Away

Thanks for dropping by... not gonna be on the computer for a week, so no posts for a bit.
See y'all soon.

Dave

Prescription

Moses says to God, "Lord, the people are giving me a constant headache!!!"
God replies, "Take these two tablets and come back in the morning"

Donald Duck Injured In Hit & Run

Suspect had been described as mouse-like with a voice similar to Michael Jackson. Micky Mouse is now helping police with their enquiries.
Witnesses say that Mickey and Donald got into a heated argument last week over Donald's comment that Mickey "hadn't done a film in years" and merely "stands there smiling and waving, all the time."
Mickey reportedly replied "well, at least I wear trousers, yer freak"

Jumping Beanbags

The church youth group is getting a bit unruly, lately... need to have a word!

Boss, de plane, de plane

Did the T.V. programme, called "Fantasy Island" ever really exist?

Khaaaaaaaaannnn! 

(and that other short bloke, from a James Bond film)

Why So Serious?

Some people have absolutely no sense of humour.

Healthy boundaries media kit.

Free "Healthy boundaries media kit."

Simply, 'cut & paste' the media kit below, into any situation or social interaction, where you feel to restore a healthy boundary.

 -------   NO   -------

Never Give Up

Road to Emmaus

Beautiful, profound, life changing.

A Road We All Must Take.

The Mark of Cain

To those that think 'God' is on their side... God is wondering who is on His!

The TRUE living God says in Exodus 20:13 “You shall not murder."

Love going out, to all the survivors of Westgate. 

Taking The Biscuit

Cookie Monster Scam Exposed
Sesame Street's Cookie Monster has been declared a con-artist, after footage of one of his cookie eating rampages was found to show that he doesn't actually eat any cookies; he just shoves them in a hinged mouth and mashes them up. Analysts have now discerned that, when played in slow motion, ALL the cookie fragments fall to the ground.

One theory is Cookie Monster actually hates cookies and merely pretends to scoff them, so as to destroy them for everyone else. "Pure spite", one commentator said.

Cookie Monster refuses to talk to reporters and is currently staying with someone called Mr Snuffelupacus (if he truly exits)

Even U.S. Secretary of State, John Kerry, has waded into the debate, saying "If we can't trust a muppet, who can we trust?"

"Whatcha thinking about?"

"Oh, you know, cookies N stuff"

G.M.

"You were so busy seeing if you could... you didn't stop to think, if you should!"

The Apple Banana didn't fall far from the tree...

Sink Lurkers

If it's not enough that government agencies are spying on their people through their computers, smart TVs and CCTV... A new method of monitoring citizens has been developed. Sink Lurkers are being built into the latest "Smart" sink/disposal units. They watch you to see if you're recycling rubbish correctly and report back to a secret H.Q.

Sink Lurkers... laughing at you, like a drain.

Empathy

...until you've walked a mile in their shoes.

Who Invited Him?

Professional "Special Occasion Crasher", for hire.
Hamish Nicnakky McNoodle, will crash weddings, funerals, Bar Mitzvahs and Bingo Nights. (except Thursdays)

An Evening With General Zod

"If Superman is so Super... why does he need a secret Identity? I mean, what could they do to him?"

Dis-Ease

A video called: "Swine Flu: The House of The Flying Pig", has gone viral

F.E.A.R. = False Expectation Appearing Real

Paying by Western Union

Be careful buying laptop computers from the internet, lest you get burnt.

Three Score & Ten

The clock on the wall, is mocking us all.
Stop winding it up.

Going Against The Flow

Having "power" doesn't make them right!

Equation

Following on from Street-Artist, Banksy's recent work in New York, Dr Declan Barnacle, of Harvard Quantum Physics Department, tries his hand at some "Street Art" too.

"It's a witty, little piece." Dr Barnacle said, "I wanted to show theoretical science can have a quirky side... or should I say Quark-y. ... ha ha ha ha ha...  ha ha ha haaaaa ha ha ha" - at which point he fell into a fit of giggles, laughing at his own joke. Mind you, as you can see from the photo... "hilarious"

Roswell: The Truth

What really is going on, near Roswell, New Mexico?

Superman: The Teenage Years

A Flock of Seagulls

Terry Twix, the frontman of a "Flock of Seagulls" tribute band, has been arrested today along the pier at Bournemouth beach. He was caught following people with ice cream cones and then, when they were not looking, suddenly snatching the cones from their hands and making off.

Lucas 4 Brenda

Lucas LeSoggy, in 1998, showing the world his Tats.

Unfortunately for him, he later found out, her name wasn't Brenda.

Mellowdrama

Our postman knocked on our front door this morning. When I opened it, he handed me a letter and said, in a sinister tone, "I know where you live"

Mugs

"...the eyes of man are NEVER SATISFIED."
Proverbs 27:20

Discerning The Motives Of The Heart

When evil smiles in your direction... do not take it as a compliment.

Talk is cheap

Love NEVER fails

If you love in the midst of it all... if you love till the end... you win.

"If you love me, you will keep my commandments"

"Love never fails"

"God is love"

Photo of Banksy

Who is Banksy?

Vicious Circle

Assertiveness Training: 

If you're not confident by the end of it, 

you can ask for your money back.

No one ever did ask for their money back, so the company convinced themselves that they were successful at assertiveness training. The reality was, that people lacked the confidence to ask for what was theirs. So who really failed?

A fearful people, under a deluded authority, is a carousel of abuse.

"Ah, ha ha... ever get the feeling that you've been cheated?... goodnight" - Irony by Johnny Rotten

Weird Quotes Remembered

"Nobody puts baby in a corner" - Patrick Swayze

Barrasic Park

"Quick (hic) run (hic) izzz a ...pink (hic) dino kingsaur (hic)"

Rare Phobias, Are Common

Crustaceahookfisherhomopierphobia:

the fear of having a hook hit you, when people fishing for crabs, cast their lines from a slipway.

"The lazy man says, “There is a lion in the road! 
A fierce lion is in the streets!” - Proverbs 26:13

People are paralysed by so many avenues that are never going to happen.
Take 'Crustaceahookfisherhomopierphobia' for instance... no such word officially exists... I made it up... just like many of our secret dreads.

Remember F.E.A.R. = False Expectation Appearing Real. 

So live, while you still can.

"The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more"
John 10:10

Judgemental

"Judgemental": To judge is mental.

Turning The Other Cheek

When you struck me on one cheek... I would have turned the other one, but I was doing my shoe laces up, at the time.

Thank you, thank you, I'm here all week... do try the fish.

Henchmen Dawn

"Hello, Police? Please help!!! ...save us from the police!"

Brazil... where are you going?

Happy Families?

"Better is open rebuke, than hidden love"
Proverbs 12:5

Dog

Suddenly, Sheba saw the ticket inspector and realised, she'd not bought a ticket.

It's a dog's life.... to always live in fear

You can't just say I "look nice"... can you?

Creosote, or Magic Markers, do not make a viable alternative to a proper spray tan... ah, oh right... it is a spray tan... sorry.

Do Not Take The Bait

A hunter's black humour...
writing a warning, the deer cannot read, in animal feed.

1 Peter 5:8
Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.

StarPaws

No tiddles… I… am your father

Maturity Test...

Say out loud...

"The UK Shadow Chancellor, Ed Balls."

If you said Ed Balls, out loud and didn't snigger at his name, you're pretty mature.
I guess posting this in the first place is somewhat childish.

Romans 3:23

"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,"

Life Imitating Art

I can't find my "Where's Wally?" book.

 (aka Where's Waldo?)

From Hair Care to Bear Hair

How about this... working in a garage, repairing mobile discos one day, then producing the X Factor the next... Sheeeesh!

Meanwhile, in FunkyTown

3D

Whether something is near or far, is a matter of perspective.

Vague, Clichéd "Prophesy" No 7

"You know, I believe that something is about to happen in your life, amen?"

Kerching

Yuppie Apocalypse

"mmm Yar, I think I have a window... Let me check... yes a window, yes I have a window.... do you have a window? If you have a window, I think I have a window too... mmmm yar, so we'll pencil in for that window then? mmmya o.k. Minty... Chow"

In 1986 'Yuppies' were flourishing in most big cities around the world, even to the point of being considered a "pest". Like locusts, anything green was consumed and assets were stripped, devastating communities everywhere. Yet it is now estimated, that they could all become extinct, as soon as 2015.
The onset of technology, coupled with the devastating "Yuppie Flu", has all but finished-off, this dying breed.

In a classic, rose-tinted, recollection of those selfish days, a new trust has been set up, to try and reintroduce the Yuppie to it's natural habitat. Wine bars are now being reconstructed, with ample Spritzers and plates of Quiche for everyone with shoulder pads or red braces and the biggest **** off phone, you can get.

Their ad campaign goes as follows: "Remember a Filofax is for the year... not just Christmas... Please give generously to the Westminster Society Hedge Fund."

On the other hand you could say to yourself, that "You Reap What You Sow" !

Hair Of The Dog

What's that Lassie?
Someone's trapped down a mine shaft, needs help and you want me to follow you?

...arr ...oh right, you've just come to do a poo on our lawn!