The way T.V. is going...

"o.k. That's Pomsie first on the buzzer... Pompsie, what's your answer please?
"GRUUUUR YELP!!!"
"aww No I'm sorry Pompsie, the answer I was looking for was the Pompidou Centre in Paris".... ok, be ready on your buzzers... next question..."

Chiwawa Doom

any minute now...

Merry...

Merry...    ...bloody heck

Be thankful

Right now, in a parallel universe, bubble perms are the coolest hair do ever!!!

Iceberg Liberation Front

Free Range Lettuce? or Fashion Accessory?
Stop vegetarians abusing our green cousins!
Vegetable Rights now!

Internet warning

Manchester

Just be cooooool. We musta gone through some kinda time displacement anomaly... don't worry fellas, I'll get y'all back to 90's Manchester.

Tank-top Apocalypse

The snazzy knitted Tank-top will return for Christmas and you will feel the pressure to pretend to be bloody grateful...
"Tank-top Apocalypse" - New to Sky 1, Fridays 9.30pm

Universal Pictures for Recorders

Too funny!!!

Anyone who's learnt or listened to someone learning the recorder with chuckle, have a flashback when sleeping and wake up screaming... then have a chuckle again...

Keep'in it surReal

One of those surreal gems that I wish I'd thought of !

Comedy/Tragedy

The McDonalds... distant relations to Ronald, were all tragically killed today, when the wheels and doors fell off their car, approaching a drive through.

Colour blind

The Hughes family all suffer from colour blindness.
Tonight they're off to the theatre to watch the musical
"Joseph and his amazing brown dream-coat".

Tyrannosaur-Octo-Duck

Scientists have put together an artist's impression of a new creature assembled from the fossil record... This ferocious creature has been named.... Tyrannosaur-Octo-Duck.

The tooth was later found to be a pebble, but that didn't stop the "experts". They deducted that Tyrannosaur-Octo-Duck hunted in packs and ate a diet it oranges and seaweed. These are the giant ancestors of todays (chip pinching) seagulls. We must all shut up and believe them without question... some thing they have accused the church of, for years... :)

Webs**te

There's a new website for gossipers called 'twofacebook'

Annoying

Don't you find it annoying when people don't finish their

First World Problems

"oh ******* I spilt my cup of tea on the computer keyboard - QUICK get a tea towel... HURRY UP!!! - it's gone everywhere... turn it off at the mains - oh for ********* sake!!!"

...Meanwhile, a little lad in Burma has no food.

Consideration

See ! the Japanese get it, why can't folks in Midsomer Norton?

I know what will cheer you up !!!

I know what will cheer you up !!!

Generations

When I was 7, my granddad said "eeee, kids today, you don't know when you were born!"
However, I actually did know when I had been born, but I let it go... you have to be grown up about these things.

Psycho-pud

Chef, Norman Bates shows us how he prefers to prepare a bowl of delicious juicy water melon. 

Maybe try this when you have guests. Before allowing them to leave, get them to write list of why they like you and you're their very best-ist friend in the whole world.

Auwwwww

Mr Simpson loved his wife so much, he gave her his dentures, when she forgot hers.

Baa

Ever had days like this?

Clown Food

The stuff of nightmares... Clowns are bad enough, but turned into luncheon meat? I don't care if the sign say's they were "free-range" clowns... it's going to taste funny (ha ha pun intended)

Unpopular Superheroes: No 5

Unpopular Superheroes: No 5

Chem-trails

This photo was taken in Kent at a wedding recently.
As you can see it's a 'cross', formed by the exhaust fumes of jet planes. Seemed profound, set against the sunset.

I posted it, in line with some speculation on the internet, about Chem-trails... a concern that governments all over the world are poisoning or drugging their populations with chemicals, dispersed from commercial aircraft.

My theory here, with this photo, is that if this is a chem-trail, it was created by the Church of England? but instead of poisoning the nation, they are dispersing incense. This is possibly in partnership with, say, Easyjet? - certainly NOT British Airways. They won't allow their staff to wear a cross, let alone sky write one.

I also wonder if the C of E put Librium in the holy water to dumb down the people in the congregation? Don't get me started on Rome.

Nothing to see here

Cult

The "Rev" Moon died today. So here's a couple of jokes:

Q.How many cult leaders does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. One... (and if you don't laugh at that joke you'll never see your family again)

Knock knock...
Who's there?
Cult leader...
Cult leader who?
Shut yer face, we ask the questions here!!!

Farcebook post

"Like" if you think this little monkey dressed as a rabbit is doing a good job for Bertie the agoraphobic Jack Russell.

"Ignore" if you want to have a guilt trip, you could've done without.

Predicative texts

I really HAT predicative texts

Stick a broom up your... ...and sweep the floor as well

I STILL have not watched a Harry Potter Movie…

people think that's strange…



...OH, AND A SCHOOL BOY ON A BROOMSTICK ISN'T???

‎"How to eat a watermelon" by Captain Obvious.

I was waiting for the punchline on this video, but this bloke (Tom Willett) plays it so seriously. 

I think this could be 'dead-pan humour' at work here... 

However, it got me thinking, it's nice to be passionate about a subject, but so many people's focus in life about "what is important", is FUTILE.

This clip has to be watched to be believed.

However let it spur you on to do something WORTHWHILE with your life. Ask The Lord.

New Aldi Opening - with Special Guest.

Premier Russian Dancing Poet, Gregor Supernova, will be opening an 'Aldi' later today in Shepton Mallet. Get along to meet him.
It's rumoured he will body-pop to a track by My Dying Bride, while reciting his poem "Mecca Bingo Bloodbath".
Great fun for all the family.

No wonder it's Free-view

Just watched "Batman Forever"... it's rubbish... it was only on for 90 minutes.

Remember Wilson

Wilson forgives you... move on!!!

Stance Workbook

Stance No.7: "The Extreme Casual"

Nuts in May

One of my favourite Mike Leigh films, apart from 'Bleak Moments' is this one, called 'Nuts in May'

It's pure tortured genius. This is a great clip. It's a great illustration of how some people impress their "interests" on others. They simply do not register if they happen to be 'ram-raiding' another's personal boundaries. 

I believe there are many sociopaths out there, with "good intentions". However, in not adopting their current views on life, they will pummel you until you "Agree". Mutual respect and allowing people to exercise their God given (!) free will means that people, in all conscience, truly make decisions. This builds a healthy sense of personal responsibility, something that goes out of the window if they are being controlled. 

Our opinions change will revelation and instruction... we need to allow for this for ourselves and in others. Last year, I was right!!!, this year, oh, I've have an epiphany and I was wrong about that... (but last year "I was right" and I bloody let you all know it) We need to stay teachable... humility requires it! The only things in all creation that are reliable and true forever are The Lord and His word. 

Mike Leigh's films, tend to distill the awkwardness of when people (with their backstories) are thrown together. Navigating relationship with love, respect and balanced assertiveness is a process we should never hide from.

Seminars

I went to what I thought was a seminar about End-times 'Eschatology'...

turned out to be a bloke tied up in a sack over a tank of piranha fish...

Disco... Disco Duck...

If you ever wanted to know who taught your mum and dad to dance at weddings, check out this Disco Dancing Lesson from Finland again. 

Look at the footage nearer the end of the sequence !!! 

...the guy's got some snazzy moves man... hard to keep a straight face mind.

Renee and Renato.

Nice romantic song... but everyone always ends up thinking... what does she see in the blob? 

The "GO COMPARE MAN" was a product of their subsequent relationship. Thank you, Renee and Renato.

TWO?

Stand and Deliver... your money or your life ?

2 Vids

2 "Nu" sketches gone up... they're ok. Been experimenting with Green screen in "The golden fleece"
and gun muzzle flash FX in "Promoting Johnny Vimto" Both were completely Ad-libbed - no script...It shows I guess. These were filmed as part of a Happy Birthday message... but wanted to show them while the new stuff is still in production.

Also, I'm looking to add an old DVD I did between 2000 and 2004 called the 'Eleventh Hour'.
It was a first attempt at Christian Prophetic/Comedy/Sketches.
Done very cheaply but was an attempt to do something that was not really out there at the time; and to be honest still isn't. Much of what is classed as Christian Comedy is "Sunday Skits", clichés or at best too obvious. There's a place for all that style of course, but there's also a need for something with an edge to it; perhaps even swagger (without the arrogance or pride) because of Who in in our hearts.
Passion and attitude of Who God is, in us would be good in this area of communication.
Sanctified Satire?

Punk (on the) Rock Prophecy? - maybe? maybe not? but the world does need a loving kick up the **** (and so too, sadly, does part of the church)

I know there's "nothing new under the sun" but stop "Cutting & Pasting", stop the clichés, stop trying to emulate your favourite... whatever...
Who are you? - really?
Who does God say you are? - Be That! ...THINK!!!

The intention of bunging together the stuff in the 'Eleventh Hour' was that someone would see it and DO BETTER !!! - wouldn't be difficult really.
We've yet to see a Spike Milligan/MontyPython esq Christian Sketch show... so I guessed, God willing, I had to DO BETTER (for my part anyway) ...I've known for sometime I needed to crack on and model something. (I'm wearing a nice little number by Jasper Conran at the moment.)

There is some great Christian stand-up comedians out there though, like Bob Smiley, Tim Hawkins and one of my favourite comedians (and also Harry Hills), is Tim Vine from the UK. (Not many sit down ones I've noticed)
Tim Vine is up there with the secular circuit, and holds (held?) the Guinness Record for "most jokes told in an hour". Love this guy.

God has a sense of humour... I mean come on... look in the mirror... (joke!)
With "Not Funny Dave", bits will make sense to only some and not others etc. This is intentional.
Much of what I'll be filming is intended to be "Prophetic". It will have an EDGE (you've been warned) and many Christians will not get it... (or like it!) it's not necessarily always for them though.
I remember someone calling my stuff "nonsense" but then preceded to ask if some sketches could be played at the Greenbelt Arts Festival they were heavily involved in (?)

Having said all this I'm writing for TWO streams: They'll be two definite styles for Two different audiences

i) "the church" to poke fun/comment on "Traditions of man" in the church that are followed without question or as importantly, without understanding. (That lack of practicing discernment in "what's what" is a major target for me)
The humour is never, NEVER aimed at The Lord !!!... God will NOT be mocked!!!
Do you hear that "Self-proclaimed Sheriff"?! - the aim is only at things that people of a religious 'spirit' have "clogged up the river" with - old and modern!

ii) "the world"... without compromising... I need to be real and amongst "my tribe out there" - those that will get me. (I don't mean attack me with a hammer, I mean understand the type of humour/point I'm making) - Do expect some left-field evangelism and sketches about evolution theory, atheism, Harry Bl**dy Potter... I don't know... it's gonna be demolishing arguments/strongholds (hopefully)
We'll see I guess... please pray for me.

anyway... that might explain some things to you early-birds who have found this site... please stay tooned.. cos there's more on the way...

Thanks for spending 10 mins of your precious life reading this... it's very kind of you. - No refunds... sorry.

c ya

Dave-id

Who you gonna vote for?

Who chooses the choices, you choose?

Mind Games

The only way to win a "Mind-Game", is not to play !!!

This is my quote, thank you very much made on Friday 15th June 2012.
If you hear it anywhere else... you herd it first HERE !!!

(Yes, I meant to spell 'herd' like that)



... this is not a mind-game by the way!

All is well with the world

Today, absolutely no cup handles broke off loading the dishwasher... I repeat absolutely no cup handles broke off loading the dishwasher. So there's nothing to worry about.  Everything is going to be alright... Everything is going to be alright...

...meanwhile in Eritrea.

Click

Was reading about these internet dating websites... I guess for them to work properly, people need to make sure that they, at least, "click".
(That's a computer joke by the way)

Poo Face Book

Looked at 'Fiends Reunited' - yes I meant to spell it like that!
So many familiar Feces - yes I meant to spell it like that!
Some of the people are a real shite for sore eyes -yes I meant to spell it... etc etc

Hated school really... just sat in the corner listening to a home made tape of The Smiths, Half Man Half Biscuit, The Cure and The Specials.

"Cheer up, it may never happen" a teacher used to say...

I replied "That's easy for you to say, I was thinking about World War II"

Kerplunck

New look to the site now. Bought a theme for Rapidweaver 5 yesterday... looks nicer... still gonna meddle (haven't heard that word since Scooby Doo) still gonna meddle with (and I would've got away with it too, if it wasn't for you meddling kids) meddle with the look a bit. Got a couple of new vids to upload at some point.

Really want to film some new stuff!!! SOOOOOOn ha ha ha ha ha h ... burp

New TV show Idea

Some Pastors do 'av em.

Nearly as good as "Arm-wrestling with Chas and Dave"

Private Paragraph

This is a private paragraph... do not read

Got a couple of Cartoons

Sorry to repeat myself, but... got a couple of cartoons...

...I don't care!!!

Got a couple of Cartoons

Sorry to repeat myself, but... got a couple of cartoons...

...I don't care!!!

Got a couple of Cartoons

Sorry to repeat myself, but... got a couple of cartoons...

...I don't care!!!

Poems

Got some poems. Put them in "poems" - seemed sensible.
Hope y'all like them...

I'm off to press flowers now and then drink fine wines... just like a poet.

Soundhog

Danger lurks in the "Keep Out" page... best avoid it !!!

At Last...

Marvellous... "The site is on the web"... but "nothing on the site" though.
Lots on the way.

Like the e-book download "A Parson's Nose: the life and times of Rev. Reginald Grimstarch"
He was the infamous Vicar of who did toffee apple impressions for Tony Hadley of Spandau Ballet.

There's also a photo of a poodle. Yes, No expense spared!!!

live blog at last

yaayy it's alive.... alive!!!

pants

pants