Glass, Not Stained Anymore

Just-in Trousers

Mr Bieber, I know where you get your fashion ideas from!

Missing in Action IIV: House of the flying hair

Chuck Norris' toupee, could kick the **** out of your toupee!!!

Someone's Son

In this weeks episode of 'Watching Paint Dry':
"People rarely use a car's parcel-shelf, for parcels... ...I'm just saying."

Too late

Busybodies

There, that's sorted your problem... I have to go now... somewhere, there is a crime happening!

"...Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck that is in your brother’s eye."

Luke 6:42

The Reality Show

The world is drowning, not waving...

drowning in such a shallow place.

False "Potter's Hands"

"And many who had believed came confessing and telling their deeds. Also, many of those who had practiced magic brought their..." (Harry Potter) "...books together and burned them in the sight of all."
Acts 19:18-20

UK Plans to stop Traffic Cone Theft

The UK Government's 'Department for Roads & Transport', has launched a new initiative to reduce the incidents of traffic cone theft from UK streets. The main culprits are drunken revellers, stealing traffic cones late at night and putting them on their heads while dancing around in the middle of the road.

The initiative is called "Operation: Traffic Cone Roulette". A government spokesperson said: "You will never know which cone has been "loaded"; and the process is totally "Green".

Their message is, "if you pick up a live cone and put it on your head, think how you are going to explain the consequences, to your family when you get home?"

Equipping a Cone for "Traffic Cone Roulette"

Guess Who?

Bilbo Bismarck moved from rural Bavaria to central Berlin a few years ago. Apparently he gets comments about his appearance all the time whilst travelling to and from work.
Many people are constantly mistaking him, for a famous public figure.

Can you guess the famous person, people think he reminds them of?

That's right... it's Ron Mael, the weird keyboard player, from the band Sparks.

Immediate Evac Needed

Ever had days like this?

"Quvick... geth to thee chopperrrrr"

1st World problems

I posted a photograph of my dinner on facebook, because I think people are going to be really interested! - but no one clicked "like"... humpffff   ...and these 957 people, I've never met before, call themselves "friends!???"

(it's all sarcasm, in case you didn't realise)

Refreshment Forever

Living Water: It's The Real Thing

Thank you

I did wonder.

Love, Power and a Sound Mind

Thank you Jesus… I’ve just found me marbles!!!

Pseudo-Oikoumene

"Eternal Father, strong to save,
Whose arm hath bound the restless wave, 
Who bidd'st the mighty ocean deep
Its own appointed limits keep;
Oh, hear us when we cry to Thee,
For those in peril from the See"

"With whom, think you, are you contending? 

With an old man on the brink of the grave? 

No! with TRUTH – 

Truth which is stronger than you, 

and will overcome you." 

John Wycliffe

Perm-a-frost

Call the Fashion Police?
No, this a case for a Fashion "S.W.A.T. Team"

(Goose) Steppin' Out with Kim Jong Un

Kim Jong Un's press team, contrive a picture of Glorious Leader being with and being like one of the people. They got the idea from Shakespeare's Henry V. (the Kenneth Branagh version)

Here he is getting off a bus, "like one of his people".

The funny despot walk is the give-away, that he's a "cultic, sociopathic Nero" in the making.
Awwww, bless.

Not Just a Footnote !

50 Shades of Magnolia

The BBC have recently received, a lots of complaints from offended atheists, regarding the portrayal of militant humanist character of "Sooty" Banquet in the "real-life" soap opera East-Enders. It resulted in the "Albert Square" set being temporarily occupied by protesters.

Donald Dainty of Atheists Anonymous said: "She gives the impression that atheists are embittered fundamentalists, blindly and religiously,  following the writings of Richard Dawkins or Christopher Hitchens. It makes out that we, ultimately, have no hope and could in principle, become suicidal or homicidal... I mean, if there were no God, what else is in our 'morality' that is ultimately going to stop us?"
Producers of East-Enders responding to Mr Dainty's comments said "Yes, we would agree... he has summed up the issue in a nutshell."

The set of Albert Square, which had been taken over yesterday by over by protesters, was eventually cleared today by the police.
P.C. Gonemad said: "A small group of angry, bitter and vindictive people, had been arrested this afternoon; however, it turned out that it was the Eastenders cast, filming a standard episode."

Catty "Sooty" Banquet, pontificating to a nation, 

(just like the stereotyped religious people she is criticising)

(note: Sarcasm is the lowest form of Grit)

Food Contamination Scandal

European Supermarkets are withdrawing nearly 100,000 Tomatoes from their shelves, after they were found to contain traces of Carrot.

Sales were stopped in early April, as tests confirmed the contamination from a batch of Tomatoes from Romania.

The European Food Council said the Tomatoes had no health risks, but that it did not "tolerate any other ingredients than the ones stipulated in seller's recipes or specifications".

It is the latest in a series of food contamination scandals across Europe, that started with Horsemeat being sold as Beef.

Knife & Soul of the Party

"Hey... Crappy Birthday kid" - The well known catchphrase of "Mr Pottygob"
Mr Pottygob was the main reason Lambeth Council banned Scary-Clowns from kiddies parties, in the 1970's.

There IS justice in the world ...sometimes.

Clowns: Satan's idea of what's funny.

Still Valid

A thousand words can paint a picture.

Jedward's Hairstyle

Popstar duo "Jedward" reveal the main influence of their trademark "quiff" hairstyle. It has long been suspected that the gravity-hating hair was based on the bands 'King Kurt' or 'Leningrad Cowboys'.

Jedward, however, have revealed in their new biography, "Hey, Now That'd Be a Good Idea", that their look was influenced by "Wilson", (pictured below right) from the movie Castaway.

Wilson, has refused to comment all week. Friends believe he still hasn't forgiven Tom Hanks, for not rescuing him from the Pacific Ocean. "He soon became washed-up after that episode." one friend said.
Forgiveness is so important, so here goes...      ...Jedward, I forgive you.

                Jedward                                          Wilson

Kim Jong Unpredictable

If Kim Jong Un ever reads and then misunderstands any articles about the "Post Nuclear Family"
...God help us.

Hope

The dark night sky - it still has stars!

Cult of Quilt

The Quilt Cult, or Quilters as they have come to be known, believe they have been given the supernatural gift of invisibility, via special Patchwork Quilts. Apparently, disciples can wear these special Quilts and wait for everyone else to look in another direction. Once no-one is looking at them, amazingly, the wearer then becomes completely invisible.

Mrs & Mr Decanter, (can you spot them in the photograph?) 

Betty & Tog Decanter, pictured (I think) above, wear their Quilts everyday and according to friends, do not notice or speak to each other for hours. 

Fasting Tips

I have a strict regime of "fasting" between meals

Police don't know...

Apparently, Police don't know what it is?

When asked if they have any leads as to what it is, a Sergeant said "to what?"
So there is proof, that the police still do not know what it is?

If you, or any member of your family, have any information about what it is, please call your local police station and ask to speak to Sergeant McMickymikman.

Spacewalk this way

Oi Kev, I can see your house from here.

yo dawg

BBC Kent news reported an odd story today.
This is Dappy and Jud. These two dogs have been trained to wear hoodie tops. The owner then took them for a walk around Bluewater Shopping Centre. It was in response to the shopping centre's ban on hoodie tops. Dappy and Jud were told to leave, due to wearing hoodies. When they didn't respond, it was interpreted as a refusal. The police were then called.

Atlas Drugged

The champion of Objectivism, said to me, ‘Do what you want!  It’s no-one’s business!’

I said, ‘Right, I’ll ONLY follow Jesus then!’

The abused children of Relativism, cried ‘Don't be so narrow-minded’

‘Make your minds up’ I said.

"…everyone did what was right in his own eyes."

Judges 21:25

The Beach Boys (re dub)

This is too funny!!!

Smile

Oi, kid... when I said "SMILE" I didn't say take the ****

Militant Mullet Man

The mullet... hairstyle of hairstyles, for fashionable Blokes

Mullet cut: "Business at the front, Party at the back"

Reality Check-Up

Do you care about folks enough, to lovingly speak the truth to them? 

Not only that, but can You handle the truth in return?

"Oi, what planet are you on, bruv?"

"Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful."
Proverbs 27:6

In 10 years time...

"Remember, No Regrets... we're gonna do this thing. 

OK CHEEEESE"

'Tash Club

The 1st thing you need to know about 'Tash Club... 

Face-palm Sunday

What's your angle?

For some people, everything is an attack or crisis.

However, sometimes, your perspective can be wrong.
Please stop and think, before dragging others into your daily drama.

May God adjust us. "He will lead you in all truth"

There's Road works, in Memory Lane

British TV nostalgia overload. Here's a great website with fond memories of adverts, public information films and program intros.

Go to T.V. ARK

Kinder Surprise

Kinder Surprise "chocolate" is, and has always been flip'in awful!
The so-called chocolate is horrible and the toys inside the Kinder Surprise have always been rubbish.

There's a whole generation of kids who wake up screaming because of the humpty dumpty advert in the early 80's. It's creepy folks!!!

and 3 - 2 - 1... you're back in the room... phew

Bad Hair (Dooms)Day

Everyday events from the point of view of Derek, a slightly exasperated and violent guardian angel

Behold, foolish mortals with a side parting, they shall be smited by Derek.

Bubble perms shall be laid waste by slightly ruffling them up a bit... depends what mood Derek is in 

Derek seeks out, discerns and uncovers blokes in toupees. In the last days, people will shout hair piece, where there is no peace.

In case you were wondering if I've been on the bevy (drink)... it's a concept for a comedy sketch I was writing.

Spot the Weirdo

One member of this family looks a bit odd... Can you spot who it is?

Yes, that's right, it's the girl on the left... big hair or what?

News just in from Eternia

Today He-Man and Man-at-Arms, learned that a wearing a snazzy Pringle-jersey and a dapper pair of plus fours, as well as behaving like a couple of camp Dandys, gets them a free 18 hole round at Midsomer Norton's "World of Crazy Golf"
He-Man ended by saying: "Yes mortals Smart but Casual, may just yet, defeat Skeletor!!!"

Today we learnt... that Cartoons and Xbox games shouldn't teach your kids their frame of reference for morality.

Romper Stomper

They see me snooz'in… they a hate'in

New Film Script in Progress (Updated)

Writing for "The Highway to Hull" film, is going well. (For those that don't know, Hull is a city in the North of England)

Have written most of the intro and first act + a bit of the second act.

Without giving too much away...

Intro:
The story is a mockumentry/comedy about a "spiritual life coach". Think Alan Partridge meets Rasputin, with surrealism and a bit of Bob Dylan's movie "don't look back" thrown in the mix… Partly filmed on the A1 motorway, in a Nissan Micra. His spiritual pretensions create delusion to those that follow him; aggression or bemusement in those that are "challenged" by him.

It's a film about how a lack of discernment and honesty, around a "personality", can get you tied in to something you regret. Not saying "what you mean" and then just being "nice", is a classic passive/aggressive cultural trait of the English. I wanted to use this, to illustrate how relationships without healthy boundaries, can become like a bus without brakes.

The bits written so far, (copyright 2013 David Robinson) are:

Act 1:

• "The MEN's BREAKFAST Show" TV cooking program - Eggs recipe
• Narrated Backstory - seed, water and tax
• The Self Pity-Party - "No one else, is invited"
• Attack of the drunken Richard Dawkins Fan
• The tomato soup incident
• An evening with a Suburban Cult
• Hooray, we're all going to the 'Coffee Castle'
• Interview with an Umpire
• T.V. chat - Moon Face
• Hattie Jakes couldn't climb Glastonbury Tor, like wot I am, (Ouch)
• Interviews replacing "Violent Hector", the slightly exasperated & sarcastic guardian angel
• It's a flipp'in invitation to be on Granada T.V.

*Act 2:

• Where's the flipp'in Granada T.V. Invitation gone?
• Getting "*******" packed
• Trip on the motorway, "Up North".
• Road Services' Toilet Noises
• The Parable of the really expensive Fruit Salad
• because Betty Batter Bought a Better Bit O Butter... erm, officer
• Here we are! ...Where are we?

*Act 3: is all about what happens, when they get "THERE".

• Spiritualising the Satnav
• Hey, Who's that Guy?
• Meeting Minty deWinter
• Regarding the plywood coconut tree on wheels
• Sign writing - you
• Mini-Gig, (The Gigarette)
• Back, for sunday lunch, in the nice new conservatory.
• Choosing a fancy conference name.
• Posing by a bloke's car
• I'm a Li - on
• Holy Shift
• The proper GIG
• James Brown and other techniques.
• Coming home via Scunthorpe

* About to be written

Stay tuned, hope to finish it all in the next few months and then start filming in the summer. Appreciate your interest. Thank you.

Cheers

Dave-id

Goths

The Lights are off, but someone's home...

Are you as Happy as Larry?

In case you ever wondered... this is Larry.

Getting Older

The Psychedelic Furs aren't what they used to be.