Did You Sleep Well? - No I Made A Few Mistakes

I bought a Mattress made of Memory Loss Foam today...

I bought a Mattress made of Memory Loss Foam today...

I bought a Mattress made of Memory Loss Foam today...

Wot's All This Then?

2nd hand Tazer for sale £50
Absolutely stunning!!!

Somewhere... over the rainbow...

Ah, Shud Uppa Your Face

Getting a parking ticket in Rome...

Remember Cranmer, Ridley & Latimer...

I did...

Asking the right Questions:

Whilst being poured a drink of life, I was asked to “Say ‘WHEN’”

I said “WHAT?” 

He said “No WHEN”

I said “WHY?”

He said “No WHEN"

I asked "HOW did you know I needed a drink?”

He said "No WHEN"

I asked "WHO are you?”

He sang “WHEN I survey the wondrous cross, on which the Prince of Glory died…”

Is Simon Cowell from North Korea?

This week all North Korean men have been ordered to sport their dictator's Forest Gump style haircut... Just supposition but could this mean music mogul, Simon Cowell is a secret plant by the rouge state? The hairstyle is a possible indicator... I'm sure David Ike will pick up on this soon.

Sheesh... Technology Today!

Watching 3D Television... a bit too realistic!

Our Man in Turkey

A low-key Elmo, waiting for his MI6 contact in Istanbul.

Break It

Sum

When people say to you "Go Forth and Multiply"
Try this one: 70x7

Character Building

"Oh No... can you believe it? Steve snores!!!"

Money Talks

"They may take our lives, but they'll never take our... crude oil!!!"

Gwhat's Gamily?

Mr Cheeseman: I can make you say "I love you" without moving my lips?

Little Woody Cheeseman: Gwhy?

Mr Cheeseman: Because I want you to "say it"

Little Woody Cheeseman: Gyeah, Gut Gwhy?

Mr Cheeseman: Because we're family, that's why!

Little Woody Cheeseman: Gwhats Gamily?

Mr Cheeseman: Right, that's it- this is my 'act' so, you're all going back in the box!

Little Woody Cheeseman: Goow, Gat's gnot gair!

Mr Cheeseman: Shut up!!!

Mrs Cheeseman: Who are you arguing with dear?

Mr Cheeseman: ........

Environ-Mental

The Royal Society for the Protection of Birds (RSPB) have been brought in to investigate reports that there has been a world wide killing-off of, the famous, "Flappy Bird".

Bigmouth Strikes Again...

Hospitality... let it not be given begrudgingly. Rewind - Be Kind

Scots of the Antarctic

Scotland rehearses its potential separation from the UK

Mystery Shopper Wanted

Job Going in Glastonbury for a "Mystery Shopper" - If you've ever walked along Glastonbury's high street, full of New Age and Witchcraft Shops, you'll see the humour in this job title.

Public Enemy No.2

Jimmy "The" McNoodle was arrested today in Texas, attempting to cross the Mexican Border in the baking midday sun. He was wearing a Bowler Hat at the time.

Free Drinks All Round

More Life Anyone? Say "When"

Mysteries

There are still mysteries in life... and this picture from Japan is one of them.

Awkward Chef's Names No:23

Those Noisy Zen Garden Neighbours!

Seasons

The Mould only had one purpose; what it shaped has many.

Jail House Rock

See, this is what happens when you try to cage someone with joy; they see it as a great "opportunity" to express it.

All of Creation Cries Out...

A chimp called "Eddie" has escaped from Bristol zoo this morning and staged a public protest in the city's main library. Apparently it was offended at chimpanzees being associated with the theory of evolution.

Ska Face

Awesome beyond words... turn up yer stereo n daaaance

PLAY: Prince Fatty Meets The Mutant HiFi - Hava Nagila

The Week That Was

There's a time in everyone's life, when they're gonna have to call for help

Incognito

Hate people staring at you, when you fall asleep in public?

Never be embarrassed again... buy a "NapSack Sleephood" from Makeitworse Products. 

(Available in Shock Pink, Neon Red, Luminous Green and Carsick Yellow)

The Mark Of Sorrow

2 Corinthians 7:11
"For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter."

Comic-Conman

"Behold, foolish mortals... feel the wrath of 'Eye Glasses Test Man'"

The Spirit Is Willing But...

"Quick Steve, he's getting away... keep pedalling!"

Pop Culture

I ordered some rolls of "Bubble-wrap" the other day... and had to pay for packaging?

A Sign of the Times

"and now over to Rod Zilla for today's 'City-Crushing Rampage Forecast'... ...Rod?"

Vegetive

"All we are sayin'... is give peas a chance"

Hope

Ever had that syncing feeling?

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."

Romans 8:28

Facebook Philosophers

I think... therefore I spam

"15 minutes" of civil-drivel, for all

Like ?

Spend, Spend, Spend

They wreck creation, to build shopping centres... then place trees inside them?

We are not God

Doesn't Really Matter

Right... who'd like a Pepsi?

Masterchef

Pierce film-lid several times, then heat for 2 minutes...?

There he is!

Author Martin Handford, is best known for his illustrated books called "Where's Wally?" or in the USA, "Where's Waldo?" However, not many people realise what Mr Handford actually looks like.

So here's a treat... scroll down and you will see a rare photograph of him, I took recently.

Gimmie Relationship

"Hey, hi religion, how's it going?"

"Shhhhhh, NO talking!!!"

Hagiagard Sophia

If Only...

Burka

Remember Belzec

Here in this carload
I, Eve,
with my son Abel.
if you see my older boy,
Cain, the son of man
tell him that I...

(poem, written in pencil in sealed railway car on the way to a Nazi Death Camp)

When Possible... Make A U-Turn

Buddhists... when next pontificating about "self-denial" or "will power"... stop and consider what an enormously Fat bloke, Buddha was.

Acts 16:30-31
And he brought them out and said, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?”
So they said, “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household.” 

X-Mass Effect

The 'Self Nutting' Kit from Ronco.
Render yourself unconscious in the comfort of you own garden.
Available from Aldi, Dobbies and all good retail outlets. Just £24.99

First-World Problems:

Breaking a biscuit in half to fit inside your cup of tea and it breaks into three... now you can't fold it over to dunk in one go... waaaaa

Barking

'The Pugs', Irelands only all-dog band, play the Brixton Academy tonight. Expect classic songs such as "Gotta Shoe I Gotta Chew" , "Fire Hydrant Baby" and "Don't Worry, be Yappy"
Doors open 7.30pm.