Went to watch an international "spelling bee"
- it was rubbish, it just kept flying around a bit, before bumping into the window.
- it was rubbish, it just kept flying around a bit, before bumping into the window.
Saturday, 31 May 2014
Friday, 30 May 2014
Tipping Point
'Prodigals' usually have to get to the place where they become so hungry,
that they eat their own words.
that they eat their own words.
Thursday, 29 May 2014
The Breville Made Me Do It
Just eaten some toasted Baked-Bean Sandwiches...
If it wasn't for Facebook... no one would have ever known
If it wasn't for Facebook... no one would have ever known
Monday, 26 May 2014
Saturday, 24 May 2014
William, It Was Really Nothing
"They might take our lands!
They might take our lives!
but they will never take our...
...sense of IRONY!!!"
The pictured sculpture in Stirling, Scotland, is of William Wallace. The artist based it on Mel Gibson's film 'Braveheart'; it was hated so much by locals, that the council had to fence it off, to protect it from vandalism.
They might take our lives!
but they will never take our...
...sense of IRONY!!!"
The pictured sculpture in Stirling, Scotland, is of William Wallace. The artist based it on Mel Gibson's film 'Braveheart'; it was hated so much by locals, that the council had to fence it off, to protect it from vandalism.
Thursday, 22 May 2014
Who's Going To Be Responsible?
"The massacre of the whole village isn't our fault" said some near-future government who conceived the design and it's autonomous algorithms, "Blame the robot!"
Yes, Naughty Robot!
"You want justice, so we'll dismantle it. How's that?, does that make you feel better?" said Dr Frankenstein to the crowd of grieving survivors, as he got into his limousine and sped away.
He didn't hear them say "no, not really"
Meanwhile, speaking of 'programmed killer robots'... a woman in a burka, blew herself up today in Kabul, killing 12 and injuring 78.
Yes, Naughty Robot!
"You want justice, so we'll dismantle it. How's that?, does that make you feel better?" said Dr Frankenstein to the crowd of grieving survivors, as he got into his limousine and sped away.
He didn't hear them say "no, not really"
Meanwhile, speaking of 'programmed killer robots'... a woman in a burka, blew herself up today in Kabul, killing 12 and injuring 78.
Wednesday, 21 May 2014
Tuesday, 20 May 2014
The World Wide Web
'Money spider' is the term given to spiders of the family Linyphiidae, an almost exclusively northern hemisphere group of moidern spiders typically characterised by being very small and black and difficult to distinguish. In the UK they make up around 40% of the spider fauna, or about 250 species, possibly more.
anyway... the Chancellor of the Exchequer has announced an increase in tax on all 'money spiders', as from the end of June.
anyway... the Chancellor of the Exchequer has announced an increase in tax on all 'money spiders', as from the end of June.
Dynasty
There's a saying: "If you can remember the 60's... you were not there"
Well here's another: "If you can remembers the 80's... I'm really sorry, but you WERE there"
Well here's another: "If you can remembers the 80's... I'm really sorry, but you WERE there"
Monday, 19 May 2014
Friday, 9 May 2014
BBC Licence Fee
I mean, it could be worse... it could be the Eurovision Song Contest on t.v. this weekend... oh, wait... hang on. Doh.
Friday, 2 May 2014
Next Door
Was looking on Gumtree and there was an advert for a "Star-Gate".
I thought "wow, I'd love one of those..."
Turns out they misspelled it... they were selling a "Stair-Gate". We live in a bungalow anyway.
Still, I'll keep looking; someone must have an inter-dimensional portal facility they're not using anymore.
I thought "wow, I'd love one of those..."
Turns out they misspelled it... they were selling a "Stair-Gate". We live in a bungalow anyway.
Still, I'll keep looking; someone must have an inter-dimensional portal facility they're not using anymore.
Tuesday, 29 April 2014
Hearts & Minds
A government "think-tank" has come up with a novel idea to help the public warm to the use of armed and autonomous, war-drones in their skies. They will now paint happy, smiley faces on the front of the fuselage
"If the drone decides to launch a depleted uranium rocket at a village, this idea will show that we're human" said some chinless-wonder today.
"If the drone decides to launch a depleted uranium rocket at a village, this idea will show that we're human" said some chinless-wonder today.
"If looks could kill, they probably will...
in Games without frontiers... War without tears"
in Games without frontiers... War without tears"
(Peter Gabriel - Games Without Frontiers)
Monday, 28 April 2014
Sunday, 27 April 2014
Friday, 25 April 2014
Who Is he Really Taking On?
The Bully next door, wants what you have...
Exodus 20:17
"Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house,
thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant,
nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass,
nor anything that is thy neighbour's."
Thursday, 24 April 2014
Sunday, 20 April 2014
Saturday, 19 April 2014
Sunday, 13 April 2014
Saturday, 12 April 2014
Saturday, 5 April 2014
Backfire
I boasted "I've arrived to shake things up around here!!!"
Didn't quite go how I expected...
Wednesday, 2 April 2014
Did You Sleep Well? - No I Made A Few Mistakes
I bought a Mattress made of Memory Loss Foam today...
I bought a Mattress made of Memory Loss Foam today...
I bought a Mattress made of Memory Loss Foam today...
I bought a Mattress made of Memory Loss Foam today...
I bought a Mattress made of Memory Loss Foam today...
Tuesday, 1 April 2014
Monday, 31 March 2014
Asking the right Questions:
Whilst being poured a drink of life, I was asked to “Say ‘WHEN’”
I said “WHAT?”
He said “No WHEN”
I said “WHY?”
He said “No WHEN"
I asked "HOW did you know I needed a drink?”
He said "No WHEN"
I asked "WHO are you?”
He sang “WHEN I survey the wondrous cross, on which the Prince of Glory died…”
Friday, 28 March 2014
Is Simon Cowell from North Korea?
This week all North Korean men have been ordered to sport their dictator's Forest Gump style haircut... Just supposition but could this mean music mogul, Simon Cowell is a secret plant by the rouge state? The hairstyle is a possible indicator... I'm sure David Ike will pick up on this soon.
Monday, 10 March 2014
Sunday, 9 March 2014
Wednesday, 5 March 2014
Tuesday, 4 March 2014
Sunday, 2 March 2014
Monday, 24 February 2014
Gwhat's Gamily?
Mr Cheeseman: I can make you say "I love you" without moving my lips?
Little Woody Cheeseman: Gwhy?
Little Woody Cheeseman: Gyeah, Gut Gwhy?
Little Woody Cheeseman: Gwhats Gamily?
Little Woody Cheeseman: Goow, Gat's gnot gair!
Mr Cheeseman: Shut up!!!
Mrs Cheeseman: Who are you arguing with dear?
Mr Cheeseman: ........
Sunday, 23 February 2014
Environ-Mental
The Royal Society for the Protection of Birds (RSPB) have been brought in to investigate reports that there has been a world wide killing-off of, the famous, "Flappy Bird".
Saturday, 22 February 2014
Thursday, 20 February 2014
Thursday, 13 February 2014
Mystery Shopper Wanted
Job Going in Glastonbury for a "Mystery Shopper" - If you've ever walked along Glastonbury's high street, full of New Age and Witchcraft Shops, you'll see the humour in this job title.
Sunday, 2 February 2014
Public Enemy No.2
Jimmy "The" McNoodle was arrested today in Texas, attempting to cross the Mexican Border in the baking midday sun. He was wearing a Bowler Hat at the time.
Saturday, 1 February 2014
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