Having a Señor Moment

A U.F.O. was spotted on the Mexican/U.S.A. Border today...

...closer examination revealed it was a family from Guadalajara trying to get into the USA, underneath a massive sombrero.

A Million Paths, That Are Never Going To Happen

The fearful person said: "Sorry, can't stop to talk to you... I've got to go, I'm late for a rehearsal in my head"

Bus

Caught the non-stop bus, to Birmingham...

they won't let me off!!!?
I'm posting this from Whitley Bay at the moment...

The Sting

Deliver Us From Evil

Amazon is seeking US permission to test Prime Air delivery drones.
Online retailer says in letter to FAA it has made 'advancements towards development of highly automated aerial vehicles'. The use of delivery drones in far away places could bring a new era in, for example, the third world.

One potential customer from North Kenya, thinks delivery drones could be of great use.
"We are investigating the potential to use of such delivery drones to meet our needs also" said a Mr. Abdula "Mad Bomber" Jihad, today.*



*(nb this is topical satire only)

The First 'Heart Transplant'

Close Down

The gospel according to Nintendo...

Disco Pilot Light

I met a person in the street, the other day, who claimed to be a "Non-Stop Disco Dancer"

I asked him "Why are you not disco dancing then?"

He replied "It's my day off"

A Taste of Honey

Animal Liberation are hailing the escape of a Guinea Pig called Betty, today.
Betty disguised herself and a research scientist, stole a car and drove out of the secret testing laboratory last week. Unfortunately, as soon as Betty was enjoying life on the outside world, she was eaten by a fox.

Tracy Emin vs. Persil

Tracey Emin 'hopes' her most famous artwork, an unmade bed, will end up in a museum after it is sold at auction.

"My Bed" (1998), which features stained sheets, cigarette packets, and soiled clothing, was due to be sold at Christie's next Tuesday. It was expected to fetch between £800,000 and £1.2 million.

Vandals, however, have broken in and destroyed the art piece - please see photo below.

Tracey is said to be devastated.

A Poke in the Third Eye

I was talking to a new-age guru the other day about "mind over matter".

I shared how I had once thought in my mind, about having a lovely cup of tea... and do you know... I was absolutely amazed when I got up, put the kettle on and made one. Wow!!! Isn't the power and potential, of the human brain, amazing?

He looked dumbfounded and walked away, shaking his head... I guess, not many can handle the truth!

Banksy

Apparently the street artist Banksy is so fed up with greedy people lifting his work off of walls and selling it on at auction, he's now taking the step of creating work and then immediately removing it himself. He then plans to sell on his work.

"If they're going to nick my free art, I'm going to nick their plaster rendering. I might as well earn something from my work, a?. Plus it cuts out the middle man" he explained.

Keep an eye out around Bristol this summer for some of his latest work.

UPDATE: News Article Here

Time Travellers

Queen's Landing

"I say Philip, it's just like the toilet seat in Windsor."

Pieces

"YES ...WE WON!"  - said a politician.

New 'Herbie' Sequel Planned

Hollywood has announced a sequel to the 'Herbie' franchise.

It's to be called "Herbie & Lindsey Lohan, Go Bananas"
... (so a documentary then)

Gullible Is, As Gullible Does

So sorry, but Forrest Gump made it all up!

Momma used to say, 
'Lies Are Like A Box of Chocolates, 
you never know which one you're gonna get'

Doing Life

The More You Stare... The Funnier It Gets

Nom-puters

"It's asking if you will accept cookies?"

"ummm"

Spelling Bee

Went to watch an international "spelling bee"
- it was rubbish, it just kept flying around a bit, before bumping into the window.

Tipping Point

'Prodigals' usually have to get to the place where they become so hungry,
that they eat their own words.

The Breville Made Me Do It

Just eaten some toasted Baked-Bean Sandwiches...

If it wasn't for Facebook... no one would have ever known

Circular Reasoning

He was "just being honest"

Yeah... thanks for that.

Vomited

"Relativism is the opiate of the lukewarm"

William, It Was Really Nothing

"They might take our lands!
They might take our lives!
but they will never take our...

...sense of IRONY!!!"


The pictured sculpture in Stirling, Scotland, is of William Wallace. The artist based it on Mel Gibson's film 'Braveheart'; it was hated so much by locals, that the council had to fence it off, to protect it from vandalism.

Who's Going To Be Responsible?

"The massacre of the whole village isn't our fault" said some near-future government who conceived the design and it's autonomous algorithms, "Blame the robot!"
Yes, Naughty Robot!

"You want justice, so we'll dismantle it. How's that?, does that make you feel better?" said Dr Frankenstein to the crowd of grieving survivors, as he got into his limousine and sped away.
He didn't hear them say "no, not really"

Meanwhile, speaking of 'programmed killer robots'... a woman in a burka, blew herself up today in Kabul, killing 12 and injuring 78.

Enter The Dragon

I See Wolves

"You're just being paranoid", they said.

"Who's 'They' ?" I wondered.

Asylum Seekers

Careful what you ask for...

The World Wide Web

'Money spider' is the term given to spiders of the family Linyphiidae, an almost exclusively northern hemisphere group of moidern spiders typically characterised by being very small and black and difficult to distinguish. In the UK they make up around 40% of the spider fauna, or about 250 species, possibly more.

anyway... the Chancellor of the Exchequer has announced an increase in tax on all 'money spiders', as from the end of June.

Dynasty

There's a saying: "If you can remember the 60's... you were not there"

Well here's another: "If you can remembers the 80's... I'm really sorry, but you WERE there"

A Little Yeast...

The Order of the Knights of Malt

BBC Licence Fee

I mean, it could be worse... it could be the Eurovision Song Contest on t.v. this weekend... oh, wait... hang on. Doh.

Next Door

Was looking on Gumtree and there was an advert for a "Star-Gate".
I thought "wow, I'd love one of those..."

Turns out they misspelled it... they were selling a "Stair-Gate". We live in a bungalow anyway.
Still, I'll keep looking; someone must have an inter-dimensional portal facility they're not using anymore.

Hearts & Minds

A government "think-tank" has come up with a novel idea to help the public warm to the use of armed and autonomous, war-drones in their skies. They will now paint happy, smiley faces on the front of the fuselage

"If the drone decides to launch a depleted uranium rocket at a village, this idea will show that we're human" said some chinless-wonder today.

"If looks could kill, they probably will... 
in Games without frontiers... War without tears" 

(Peter Gabriel - Games Without Frontiers)

Narnia Today...

(Too many Chiefs, not enough Braves)

Illuminati Cats

"So Mr. Tiddles, what news from agent whiskers in Astana?"

Who Is he Really Taking On?

The Bully next door, wants what you have...

Exodus 20:17

"Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, 

thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, 

nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, 

nor anything that is thy neighbour's."

Pure Tat

Loads of Attitude... but no spellcheck

Instant

Costa and Starbucks are employing "Baristas"?
Are they being sued these days, or something?

Throwing in the Cowell

Just Watching "The Rest of The World's Got Talent"

Poison is Poison

1000g of cyanide
10g of cyanide…

which is more dangerous?

Snob

Snobbery goes two ways...

Backfire

I boasted "I've arrived to shake things up around here!!!" 

Didn't quite go how I expected...

Buy, Sell, Buy, Sell...

For Sale: Used Paint; buyer collect. £20
(comes in the shape of a house)

Did You Sleep Well? - No I Made A Few Mistakes

I bought a Mattress made of Memory Loss Foam today...

I bought a Mattress made of Memory Loss Foam today...

I bought a Mattress made of Memory Loss Foam today...

Wot's All This Then?

2nd hand Tazer for sale £50
Absolutely stunning!!!

Somewhere... over the rainbow...

Ah, Shud Uppa Your Face

Getting a parking ticket in Rome...