La La Land

So... the Teletubbies being disappointed that "LaLa Land" didn't win an Oscar is "fake news"?

One Direction

Who's going to this?

Brit Awards 2017

At the Brit Awards this evening, 'best dead singer' award went to Louis Armstrong for his hit single "All the time in the world". Louis couldn't be there to receive the award, however the award was received by Elvis Presley, who also couldn't be there.

In other events, gormless puppets, operated by people in the shadows, moved about on stage to Katy Perry's new plastic-political single. There were also two giant skeletons as well.

Dusk Harvest

Christian-Goth band Saviour Machine, available for meetings, out-reach and Alpha-Away weekends. Alternatively, you could just emulate Phil Wickham or Matt Redman every week as usual. Also, just to say, apologies to HillSongs, London... trying to start a mosh-pit during a "soaking time", maybe wasn't such a good idea after all

Les Paul Guitars

Next time anyone raves about buying a "Les Paul" lead guitar, just play them this shite... they'll probably get a Fender.

None Of The Above

In the era of rising Autocracy, could one of the "10 Kings" be taking his seat?

I Prefer My Own Scare Stories Thanks

BBC news headline today "Arsenic in rice"
I'm more concerned about general practices when harvesting it in the first place.
I mean... All those Chinese blokes working in the paddy fields all day... They're going to go to the side in the field for a wee are they?

Disco Inferno

Soldier and Ex-world Champion Disco Dancer, Jimmy Macaroon, was wounded by a sniper during a battle today, after his commanding officer shouted “Everybody... Get Down!!!”.

Transfruitism

"Five-a-day First", a militant vegan lobby group, are campaigning for the abolition of fruit and veg based product names for a more "fruity/veggie-fluid" definition. What?
I don't know... it's political correctness gone mad.

Fangs For The Memory

If evil ever smiles in your direction,
do not take it as a compliment

Riot Of Colour

We're all "a people of colour" if you think about it... I'm a sort of blotchy-pink.

Stirring Stuff

The Vatican is currently investigating the appearance of St Benny's* face in a cup of Ristoretto, in Naples today.

A representative of the Roman See said, "we expect a lot of people to take the mick out of this, but it only goes to prove we are in the Latte times and we know from scripture that 'in the last days, there will be Mochas' ".

*St Benny: Patron Saint of Baristas.

Data-Fracking

Did Russia forward data-mined info about Mrs Clinton, during the US election? Doesn't really matter...

Was the information all true??? That's important!

Wish I'd Thought Of This

Memory Lane

I took a trip down Memory Lane, but had to stop,
due to God doing major road-works.

From Here, To Modernity

Vin Diesel and Al Pacino auditioning for major upcoming movie lead role about Nigel Farage' MEP. Others rumored to be in the running are Scott Eastwood, Donnie Yen and Johnny Depp.

The idea for a Hollywood movie about Brexit vs. the EU, sounds like a 'Comic Strip Presents' spoof, but it's for real...

"... yeah, yeah, yeah, look... Just shut up and take my Euros!"

Happy 1st Day Of The Gregorian Calender

Everyone seems so excited, happy and shouty at this 'New Year".
Now all we have to do is maintain this enthusiasm for the next 364 days.

Oh No It Isn't

Dear Pantomime Characters, save time for everyone, by just accepting advice from the audience immediately.

The U.N. Are Such Philistines

The Lord will fight for Israel... therefore, it's everyone else I'm getting quite concerned for... (e.g. Mr Obama, New Zealand etc) - a "Swift Consequence" is now highly likely... and nothing can stop it.

"It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God." - Hebrews 10:31

Goliath, have you really learned nothing?

I'll Get Me Coat

When you're out having a fellowship meal with folks in a pub and then someone insists that the conversation really needs to "go there" regarding someone's private medical issues.

Uncivil Rights

Countdown

God willing...

The Manchurian Candidate

It seems China is being lined up to be the NWO pantomime-villain, in the next couple of years. Just a heads-up, in advance for those listening and praying.

They See Me Roll'n

"They see me roll'n... they a hate'n"

The Death Of A Disco Dancer

R.I.P. Colonel Abrams... who was neither a "commissioned army officer" or "jewish"... (Unless someone from the IDF can confirm otherwise) 😊

Not a fan in particular, but sad all the same.

Jurassic Parking Ticket

Get Off!!! Booooo!!!

Someone once said "The whole world's a stage and we must play our part"

Well I think I'm just gonna heckle from the cheap-seats, up top.

"If You, The Little People..."

In a recent speech, Nigel Farage declared that "The Little People, have had enough."

Well That's Alright... Carl Perkins

Clarkes have just started selling Blue Suede Shoes with inbuilt Steel toe caps... so it really doesn't matter now, if you accidentally step on them.

Sitting Bull

My great great great Uncle, died at the "Battle of Little Big Horn" between General Custer's and Sitting Bull's forces.

He wasn't in the battle or anything... he was camping in the next field and went round to ask if they could keep the noise down a little.

Panto' Season Has Begun Early

UPDATE 15/01/2017: See... Walter gets it!

Genius loci

After recently deciding to do away with the headphone sockets on their new iPhones and also omitting the standard USB ports on their new MacBook Pro, Apple have met with criticism from loyal customers, unhappy with the way Apple dictate what they consider "obsolete", in computing.

In the same vein, Apple has now announced that their new iPad, the iPad X, will not have a screen, I/O ports or Apps. Anticipating a backlash, the chief developer for Apple has said, "Just give us yer £750 and get over it"

Like?

More facebook fun...

Oh App'y Day

See, this is why I hate these name-based "fruit machines" on Facebook...

Young Guns III

Young Abdul Jimmy Mullah is delighted to be let through Calais to the UK, under the new British policy of letting vulnerable children through passport control.

Jimmy, who claims to be 9 years old, has been concerned as he says "He has always looked older than he is".

"Chinless-wonders" in Dover, are now looking to let these youths in without any searching of their person. This is in case it offends their, already traumatised young minds.

Comrade Boaty McBoatface

Concern had been mounting, as a flotilla of Russian warships sailed through the English channel over the last few days. Critics felt that President Putin is playing cold-war games, to try to intimidate the British. The Royal Navy therefore sent some of their cutting-edge ships, such as HMS Dragon, to chaperone the Russians away from our territorial waters.

However, upon approaching the Aircraft carrier Admiral Kuznetsov, the Royal Navy were reassured that it was only an attempt to visit Portsmouth to have it valued by the BBC's "Antiques Roadshow", who were filming there at the time.

ConVersion

My Amplified Bible, goes all the way up to eleven!!!

So, that's one better, init...

"Do Not Press"

Just in, footage from talks between America and Russia over the current conflict in Syria...

Dobbin Them In

It was only a matter of time... Creepy Panto Horses have now been spotted on UK city streets; scaring school kids and OAPs alike.

Don't want to be a prophet of doom, but I'm wondering if it won't be long before Christopher Biggins lookalikes and Lois Spence impersonators will be doing everyone's heads in.

Creepy Clown

Another Creepy Clown has been spotted late at night, in a UK restaurant.

When will this annoying craze end?

The Whole World Over

Is it really only North Korea, where this happens?

Horseplay

The Sh White Horse of Westbury folks...

UKIPPER

MEP Steven Woolfe is said to be feeling better and is pictured here, preparing to return to the EU Parliament in Strasbourg soon.

The 48

The 52 are more than the 48 !

The Golden Fleece

Open Letter to Peter Popoff, sent last week to Daystar TV:

Dear Peter,

I'd like you to be extravagantly blessed and have the storehouse of heaven open for you. So if you want God to bless you and I really want that for you... you need to please send a seed gift of £2,000 or more to ME right away. Also, with your gift of £2,000 or more, I'll send you a free bottle of Perrier water and a tea towel prayed over by me.

So get to that phone right now and pledge your gift and "you just watch what God's gonna do". You can't afford not to (literally)

kind regards,
Dave...

...Not heard a dickybird from him?

Autocratic Pilot

putinergodensorosclintontrumpmayjunkertrudeaudutertemugabiassadjongil etc etc etc...

"Shall I count them pure with the wicked balances, 

and with the bag of deceitful weights?"

Micah 6:11

The Anatomy Of Control

WHACK!!!

"Owww, what did you hit me for?

"Nothing... so just you wait till you actually bloody do something!!!"

(repost from 2014)

Nil Points

Come on Mrs May, please take Brexit seriously.

The sooner we're out of Europe, the sooner we can leave the Eurovision Song Contest.

Shane MacGowen Of Mars!

NASA has got UFO and conspiracy theorists in uproar today, as they release a new set of photographs taken by their Mars Rover today.

Is this the face of Shane Macgowen from The Pogues formed in the Martian Rock?
Did aliens carve this to send us message?

Make your mind up for yourself...

The Black Death

Scientists claim to have, at last, discovered the cause of the disease that swept across Europe, killing millions. Known as the “Black Death", researchers have now concluded that it was actually Bubonic Plague (Yersinia pestis).

However, there is still some opposition to these findings from some quarters, who contest that the Black Death was, in fact, Man Flu. The World Health Organisation is currently concerned about a new strain that is breaking out in Asia, dubbed "Fu Man Flu".

"See, this is what happens when people don't believe we're ill", said one bloke, who was a little bit poorly, today.

Households across the UK are stocking up on big bottles of Lucozaid and loads of Caramac bars, just in case.

Anti-Social Media

Matthew 18:15 rev b:
"If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. However, just in case you're scared of speaking face to face, post indirect passive/aggressive potshots without actually naming them on Facebook... that'll make em come to their senses!" said Jesus... never.

No-scope

Russia and it's people are amazing. However, all nations have their nutters who rise out of obscurity to influence the rich and powerful. When they come from Russia, they seem to be extra special in their lunacy... e.g. Blavatsky, Rasputin etc.
Enter, Mr Anton Vaino and his "nooscope" - A New Age baloney, that might just become (be?) a source of bad advice to President Putin.

If Mr Putin wants divine help, he only needs to repent and accept Jesus Christ (not the orthodox priests) as his Lord and Saviour... the Holy Spirit will then lead him in "All Truth".

When will "world leaders" realise, they're only there, because The Lord (God of Israel - just to be clear!) allows them to be? Take a lesson from Pharaoh or Nebuchadnezzar.

Whoops, Yer Boys

It's not over, till it's over...

Then we can say:
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."
2 Timothy 4:7

Selfi

Wherever "I" goes... Egos

"Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher, vanity of vanities! All is vanity."

Ecclesiastes 1

Ever Been Punked?

The Nuclear Family

"Fission chips twice, please"

"It's alright, I heard you the first time"

Why They Never Went Back