50 Eye Lashes

It's ok if we don't understand something... the question is... how seriously do we really want to find out?... if we can't be bothered, we need to stop lashing out at others, at least.

A lift with Shep

"Do I go on here at the lights?"

"No, turn right here... sorry. Then it's about 100yds on the left... thanks."

Mad Mahdi Gras

Islamic Fundamentalists - more mentalists, than fun.

Michael Bublé

• The surname "Cooper" is descended from those that made barrels.
• The surname "Smith" is from those that were blacksmiths.
• The surname "Archer" is from those that could shoot a longbow.
• The surname "Fisher" is from the fishing occupation.
• The surname "Potter" is from the craft of making clay items.
• The surname "Clark" is from the accounting profession.
• The surname "Bublé" is from the inventor of Matey - the Hypoallergenic Bath time fun mixture.

...and that's a fact people...     ...bloke down the pub said!!!

I just had a sandwich

I just had a sandwich...

... if it wasn't for Facebook, no one would ever have known.

Meanwhile, back at the quiz show...

The scores are level as we enter the next round.

Ok... for 10 points, which synopsis of Yayoi Kusama's public installation "Ascension of Polkadots on the Trees" did the art critic for the guardian newspaper make at the Royal Society recently?

Was it ?

A) Kusama has produced a functionalist dreamscape, aggressively bringing into focus the media's dissemination of relativism against traditional morality. A triumph!!!

or

B) Her work manages to be both a post-modern eyesore and tedious comment of todays penchant for naively reenforcing ironic pastiche. 

BUZZ

Yes, that's Goldie, first on the buzzer!

"Gruff, gruuur, Wuff"

No, I'm sorry, the answer was A.
Your answer, B, was actually a quote from an episode of Coronation Street in 1979, when Ken Barlow discussed Hilda Ogden's front room Caribbean Mural. - Much to the amusement of Deirdre, I might add.

Ok... moving on... Particle Physics now - for 10 points can...

Neigh Sir!

I tell yer... I'm so hungry I could eat a horse...  oh hang on, wait a minute?

Maybe have a veggie alternative, like some Linda McCartney's Malaysian Poodle flavour 'sausages' or Kitten mix Qourn mince.

It's always got me wondering, why veggies eat something that simulates the texture and flavour of meat. Surely the bland taste of mung-beans or the watery nothing that is cucumber slices is enough for their conscience?

I think they should bring out a range of vegetable flavoured meats... for those that can't bring themselves to eat our green friends, but like the taste! -might take the idea to Dragon's Den?

Pearls before swine

Professor Scooby-Gandalf's Monday morning at college, starts with champagne and a song about the south of France - and you thought you weren't appreciated at work.

Fruit

Feeding the 5000...      ...in Costa Rica.

Well, to be honest, you had me at "**** off"

It's the year to film these sketches that have been sitting in nine notebooks and various bits of paper for 10 years.

I think there's a short film called the "Highway to Hull" to script properly, but the sketches? it's just a matter of "getting on with them"

Will people, like them?... ultimately, I don't really care... Will they be funny? ...don't know... Will they be thought provoking?... I hope so... Will they offend the church?... probably... Will they offend a secular society?... I seriously hope so!!!

The creative decisions for me, are a case of 'How far do I go?'
As a Christian, there will be a limit... but that's up to The Lord.

My gut feeling is, God wants to pick a fight!

Think for a minute - PLEASE... give it a try.

Education in the U.K.

Education Secretary Michael Gove has confirmed his plans to replace GCSEs with the English Baccalaureate have been scrapped, admitting the idea amounted to "one reform too many".

The real reason is no one could pronounce the word "Baccalaureate"

Move yer selves, move yer selves, move yer selves!!!

Iz the jungle getting to hot for you sonny jim? ...Oh dear, what a pity, never mind!

Meet the Jedi Family

Photographed with their pet Raven called Jed, meet Freddy Jedi and his three brothers, Teddy Jedi, Neddy Jedi and the youngest, Fasenglebertus-Whizzbang

Facewoof

"Tiddles the cat, wants to be my friend"

"Yeah, but you don't have to accept the invite you know"

Countenance

The past is gone and who knows if tomorrow will arrive.
All we have are moments... now.

...and just to ruin the profoundness of that statement here's a picture of a "gurner"

Second from Top Secret

"AREA 50.5" - not as interesting to UFO-hunter freaks, as it's nearby neighbour. "Not much really happens here" a spokesman said. "We had a pigeon loose in one of the secret hangers the other day... but that's about it really" - Just what are they hiding?

Wedgie Kray

Justice, at last, for the people of Midsomer Norton.

Moral dilemma No.7

Moral dilemma No.7:
It's Pizza... but it's a cat - Discuss.

Mr. Perry

"Where's Mr Perry? ...has anyone seen Mr Perry?
Have you seen what he's wearing.. flannel shirt and braces? and that 'tash - did he draw that on with a magic marker?
Why do you think he's such a miserable old git?"

Detente

Stop telling me what to do!!!
Stop telling us to stop telling you what to do!!!
Stop telling me to stop telling you, to stop telling me, what to do!!!
Stop telling... (well, you get the picture) Detente

Muse at ten

16 Jan 2013 14:06
Rylan Clark successfully leads revolution in the latest Celebrity Big Brother task. Weeeee.

No, he didn't get Speidi chucked out of the house (he wishes). Instead he and the housemates won a luxury shopping budget by overthrowing dictator Frankie Dettori

oh, in other news… In the first major ground operation in the conflict, French special forces have been fighting alongside Malian troops against Islamist rebels in street battles.

Also, more than 80 people have been killed by two blasts in the northern Syrian city of Aleppo, activists and officials say.

Still… good news about Rylan.

The 'Pride' of Lions

There were these two blokes in Africa. One goes up behind a Lion and kicks it up the backside. He then says to his mate "Quick RUUUUNNNNN".
His mate says "Why should I? I didn't kick it!"

Here's mud in your eye.

Believing is Seeing...

GREEDOM !!!

..."gay gill gever gake gowur GREEDOM!!!"

Ready, Teddy, Go

Fans awaiting the arrival of Teddy Ruxpin, for his book reading gig in Scunthorpe.

Ginston Gurchgill

Gever, in ga gield of ooman gonflict... 

gaz so guch, geen gowed to so genny,

guy go goo!!!

Californian Regent

The way T.V. is going...

"o.k. That's Pomsie first on the buzzer... Pompsie, what's your answer please?
"GRUUUUR YELP!!!"
"aww No I'm sorry Pompsie, the answer I was looking for was the Pompidou Centre in Paris".... ok, be ready on your buzzers... next question..."

Chiwawa Doom

any minute now...

Merry...

Merry...    ...bloody heck

Be thankful

Right now, in a parallel universe, bubble perms are the coolest hair do ever!!!

Iceberg Liberation Front

Free Range Lettuce? or Fashion Accessory?
Stop vegetarians abusing our green cousins!
Vegetable Rights now!

Internet warning

Manchester

Just be cooooool. We musta gone through some kinda time displacement anomaly... don't worry fellas, I'll get y'all back to 90's Manchester.

Tank-top Apocalypse

The snazzy knitted Tank-top will return for Christmas and you will feel the pressure to pretend to be bloody grateful...
"Tank-top Apocalypse" - New to Sky 1, Fridays 9.30pm

Universal Pictures for Recorders

Too funny!!!

Anyone who's learnt or listened to someone learning the recorder with chuckle, have a flashback when sleeping and wake up screaming... then have a chuckle again...

Keep'in it surReal

One of those surreal gems that I wish I'd thought of !

Comedy/Tragedy

The McDonalds... distant relations to Ronald, were all tragically killed today, when the wheels and doors fell off their car, approaching a drive through.

Colour blind

The Hughes family all suffer from colour blindness.
Tonight they're off to the theatre to watch the musical
"Joseph and his amazing brown dream-coat".

Tyrannosaur-Octo-Duck

Scientists have put together an artist's impression of a new creature assembled from the fossil record... This ferocious creature has been named.... Tyrannosaur-Octo-Duck.

The tooth was later found to be a pebble, but that didn't stop the "experts". They deducted that Tyrannosaur-Octo-Duck hunted in packs and ate a diet it oranges and seaweed. These are the giant ancestors of todays (chip pinching) seagulls. We must all shut up and believe them without question... some thing they have accused the church of, for years... :)

Webs**te

There's a new website for gossipers called 'twofacebook'

Annoying

Don't you find it annoying when people don't finish their

First World Problems

"oh ******* I spilt my cup of tea on the computer keyboard - QUICK get a tea towel... HURRY UP!!! - it's gone everywhere... turn it off at the mains - oh for ********* sake!!!"

...Meanwhile, a little lad in Burma has no food.

Consideration

See ! the Japanese get it, why can't folks in Midsomer Norton?

I know what will cheer you up !!!

I know what will cheer you up !!!

Generations

When I was 7, my granddad said "eeee, kids today, you don't know when you were born!"
However, I actually did know when I had been born, but I let it go... you have to be grown up about these things.

Psycho-pud

Chef, Norman Bates shows us how he prefers to prepare a bowl of delicious juicy water melon. 

Maybe try this when you have guests. Before allowing them to leave, get them to write list of why they like you and you're their very best-ist friend in the whole world.

Auwwwww

Mr Simpson loved his wife so much, he gave her his dentures, when she forgot hers.

Baa

Ever had days like this?

Clown Food

The stuff of nightmares... Clowns are bad enough, but turned into luncheon meat? I don't care if the sign say's they were "free-range" clowns... it's going to taste funny (ha ha pun intended)

Unpopular Superheroes: No 5

Unpopular Superheroes: No 5

Chem-trails

This photo was taken in Kent at a wedding recently.
As you can see it's a 'cross', formed by the exhaust fumes of jet planes. Seemed profound, set against the sunset.

I posted it, in line with some speculation on the internet, about Chem-trails... a concern that governments all over the world are poisoning or drugging their populations with chemicals, dispersed from commercial aircraft.

My theory here, with this photo, is that if this is a chem-trail, it was created by the Church of England? but instead of poisoning the nation, they are dispersing incense. This is possibly in partnership with, say, Easyjet? - certainly NOT British Airways. They won't allow their staff to wear a cross, let alone sky write one.

I also wonder if the C of E put Librium in the holy water to dumb down the people in the congregation? Don't get me started on Rome.

Nothing to see here

Cult

The "Rev" Moon died today. So here's a couple of jokes:

Q.How many cult leaders does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. One... (and if you don't laugh at that joke you'll never see your family again)

Knock knock...
Who's there?
Cult leader...
Cult leader who?
Shut yer face, we ask the questions here!!!

Farcebook post

"Like" if you think this little monkey dressed as a rabbit is doing a good job for Bertie the agoraphobic Jack Russell.

"Ignore" if you want to have a guilt trip, you could've done without.

Predicative texts

I really HAT predicative texts

Stick a broom up your... ...and sweep the floor as well

I STILL have not watched a Harry Potter Movie…

people think that's strange…



...OH, AND A SCHOOL BOY ON A BROOMSTICK ISN'T???

‎"How to eat a watermelon" by Captain Obvious.

I was waiting for the punchline on this video, but this bloke (Tom Willett) plays it so seriously. 

I think this could be 'dead-pan humour' at work here... 

However, it got me thinking, it's nice to be passionate about a subject, but so many people's focus in life about "what is important", is FUTILE.

This clip has to be watched to be believed.

However let it spur you on to do something WORTHWHILE with your life. Ask The Lord.

New Aldi Opening - with Special Guest.

Premier Russian Dancing Poet, Gregor Supernova, will be opening an 'Aldi' later today in Shepton Mallet. Get along to meet him.
It's rumoured he will body-pop to a track by My Dying Bride, while reciting his poem "Mecca Bingo Bloodbath".
Great fun for all the family.

No wonder it's Free-view

Just watched "Batman Forever"... it's rubbish... it was only on for 90 minutes.

Remember Wilson

Wilson forgives you... move on!!!

Stance Workbook

Stance No.7: "The Extreme Casual"

Nuts in May

One of my favourite Mike Leigh films, apart from 'Bleak Moments' is this one, called 'Nuts in May'

It's pure tortured genius. This is a great clip. It's a great illustration of how some people impress their "interests" on others. They simply do not register if they happen to be 'ram-raiding' another's personal boundaries. 

I believe there are many sociopaths out there, with "good intentions". However, in not adopting their current views on life, they will pummel you until you "Agree". Mutual respect and allowing people to exercise their God given (!) free will means that people, in all conscience, truly make decisions. This builds a healthy sense of personal responsibility, something that goes out of the window if they are being controlled. 

Our opinions change will revelation and instruction... we need to allow for this for ourselves and in others. Last year, I was right!!!, this year, oh, I've have an epiphany and I was wrong about that... (but last year "I was right" and I bloody let you all know it) We need to stay teachable... humility requires it! The only things in all creation that are reliable and true forever are The Lord and His word. 

Mike Leigh's films, tend to distill the awkwardness of when people (with their backstories) are thrown together. Navigating relationship with love, respect and balanced assertiveness is a process we should never hide from.

Seminars

I went to what I thought was a seminar about End-times 'Eschatology'...

turned out to be a bloke tied up in a sack over a tank of piranha fish...

Disco... Disco Duck...

If you ever wanted to know who taught your mum and dad to dance at weddings, check out this Disco Dancing Lesson from Finland again. 

Look at the footage nearer the end of the sequence !!! 

...the guy's got some snazzy moves man... hard to keep a straight face mind.

Renee and Renato.

Nice romantic song... but everyone always ends up thinking... what does she see in the blob? 

The "GO COMPARE MAN" was a product of their subsequent relationship. Thank you, Renee and Renato.