Atlas Drugged

The champion of Objectivism, said to me, ‘Do what you want!  It’s no-one’s business!’

I said, ‘Right, I’ll ONLY follow Jesus then!’

The abused children of Relativism, cried ‘Don't be so narrow-minded’

‘Make your minds up’ I said.

"…everyone did what was right in his own eyes."

Judges 21:25

The Beach Boys (re dub)

This is too funny!!!

Smile

Oi, kid... when I said "SMILE" I didn't say take the ****

Militant Mullet Man

The mullet... hairstyle of hairstyles, for fashionable Blokes

Mullet cut: "Business at the front, Party at the back"

Reality Check-Up

Do you care about folks enough, to lovingly speak the truth to them? 

Not only that, but can You handle the truth in return?

"Oi, what planet are you on, bruv?"

"Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful."
Proverbs 27:6

In 10 years time...

"Remember, No Regrets... we're gonna do this thing. 

OK CHEEEESE"

'Tash Club

The 1st thing you need to know about 'Tash Club... 

Face-palm Sunday

What's your angle?

For some people, everything is an attack or crisis.

However, sometimes, your perspective can be wrong.
Please stop and think, before dragging others into your daily drama.

May God adjust us. "He will lead you in all truth"

There's Road works, in Memory Lane

British TV nostalgia overload. Here's a great website with fond memories of adverts, public information films and program intros.

Go to T.V. ARK

Kinder Surprise

Kinder Surprise "chocolate" is, and has always been flip'in awful!
The so-called chocolate is horrible and the toys inside the Kinder Surprise have always been rubbish.

There's a whole generation of kids who wake up screaming because of the humpty dumpty advert in the early 80's. It's creepy folks!!!

and 3 - 2 - 1... you're back in the room... phew

Bad Hair (Dooms)Day

Everyday events from the point of view of Derek, a slightly exasperated and violent guardian angel

Behold, foolish mortals with a side parting, they shall be smited by Derek.

Bubble perms shall be laid waste by slightly ruffling them up a bit... depends what mood Derek is in 

Derek seeks out, discerns and uncovers blokes in toupees. In the last days, people will shout hair piece, where there is no peace.

In case you were wondering if I've been on the bevy (drink)... it's a concept for a comedy sketch I was writing.

Spot the Weirdo

One member of this family looks a bit odd... Can you spot who it is?

Yes, that's right, it's the girl on the left... big hair or what?

News just in from Eternia

Today He-Man and Man-at-Arms, learned that a wearing a snazzy Pringle-jersey and a dapper pair of plus fours, as well as behaving like a couple of camp Dandys, gets them a free 18 hole round at Midsomer Norton's "World of Crazy Golf"
He-Man ended by saying: "Yes mortals Smart but Casual, may just yet, defeat Skeletor!!!"

Today we learnt... that Cartoons and Xbox games shouldn't teach your kids their frame of reference for morality.

Romper Stomper

They see me snooz'in… they a hate'in

New Film Script in Progress (Updated)

Writing for "The Highway to Hull" film, is going well. (For those that don't know, Hull is a city in the North of England)

Have written most of the intro and first act + a bit of the second act.

Without giving too much away...

Intro:
The story is a mockumentry/comedy about a "spiritual life coach". Think Alan Partridge meets Rasputin, with surrealism and a bit of Bob Dylan's movie "don't look back" thrown in the mix… Partly filmed on the A1 motorway, in a Nissan Micra. His spiritual pretensions create delusion to those that follow him; aggression or bemusement in those that are "challenged" by him.

It's a film about how a lack of discernment and honesty, around a "personality", can get you tied in to something you regret. Not saying "what you mean" and then just being "nice", is a classic passive/aggressive cultural trait of the English. I wanted to use this, to illustrate how relationships without healthy boundaries, can become like a bus without brakes.

The bits written so far, (copyright 2013 David Robinson) are:

Act 1:

• "The MEN's BREAKFAST Show" TV cooking program - Eggs recipe
• Narrated Backstory - seed, water and tax
• The Self Pity-Party - "No one else, is invited"
• Attack of the drunken Richard Dawkins Fan
• The tomato soup incident
• An evening with a Suburban Cult
• Hooray, we're all going to the 'Coffee Castle'
• Interview with an Umpire
• T.V. chat - Moon Face
• Hattie Jakes couldn't climb Glastonbury Tor, like wot I am, (Ouch)
• Interviews replacing "Violent Hector", the slightly exasperated & sarcastic guardian angel
• It's a flipp'in invitation to be on Granada T.V.

*Act 2:

• Where's the flipp'in Granada T.V. Invitation gone?
• Getting "*******" packed
• Trip on the motorway, "Up North".
• Road Services' Toilet Noises
• The Parable of the really expensive Fruit Salad
• because Betty Batter Bought a Better Bit O Butter... erm, officer
• Here we are! ...Where are we?

*Act 3: is all about what happens, when they get "THERE".

• Spiritualising the Satnav
• Hey, Who's that Guy?
• Meeting Minty deWinter
• Regarding the plywood coconut tree on wheels
• Sign writing - you
• Mini-Gig, (The Gigarette)
• Back, for sunday lunch, in the nice new conservatory.
• Choosing a fancy conference name.
• Posing by a bloke's car
• I'm a Li - on
• Holy Shift
• The proper GIG
• James Brown and other techniques.
• Coming home via Scunthorpe

* About to be written

Stay tuned, hope to finish it all in the next few months and then start filming in the summer. Appreciate your interest. Thank you.

Cheers

Dave-id

Goths

The Lights are off, but someone's home...

Are you as Happy as Larry?

In case you ever wondered... this is Larry.

Getting Older

The Psychedelic Furs aren't what they used to be.

Christmas Jumpers, We've all been there!

"Look, your nana knitted that for you, so you're going to wear it to the restaurant"

Frank Carson

Apple Computers

Yaaaaayh, we've just got an Apple computer. We've counted 5 granny smiths and 8 golden delicious and Braeburn so far... really helpful.

Moose again

Return of Moose

Hi it's Moose... Steve wasn't at home, so I thought I'd try him at work...

Moose

Hello, it's Moose... is Steve in?

Melon of Troy

Do you have trouble bringing a melon home from the supermarket? 

Have no fear, the new "Watermelon Chariot" from wheelygood, will meet this need. 

Comes with handle, air con and mp3 player. 

Never look silly carrying a melon again... only £500

Isaiah 5:20

On one level this seems amusing, on another a sad truth of where the world is at!

The Talcs

The Talcs, new album, "Quick Dry" out now.

Quack

"There goeth his funny-bone" 

"Can I have a go?"

Home Help

Here we have a lovely photo of the little Ikea monkey, dressed as a rabbit is doing a good job for Bertie, the agoraphobic Jack Russell. … ?  ...erm...

...actually… I have no idea what I'm talking about... haven't a clue... ?

If you know what this photo is about, please send answers on a postcard…

Sean Connery's Dog

"The names Bonzo... ... James Bonzo"

O.C.D.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? Yes, we all know a song about that, don't we?

Let's sing it together... 

but we must sing the chorus exactly 7 times, or we'll have to start again!

Equal

When the walls between us, are starting to fall,
white-wash is pointless.

Desperate Times

No matter how impressive someone with all the latest gadgets might seem, they still gotta have a poo, like everyone else.

Having a Poo... the great leveller

"oooh I don't approve of this toilet humour, at all" - (reader's voice)

Funny Habit

Clowns and Nuns... traumatising kids since 1540ad

Billy the Kid

CCTV footage of, arch-criminal, Billy "BabyFace" O'Rourke, making his escape in LA today.
It is reported that he escaped with $20,000 worth of Mothercare gift vouchers.

Meanwhile, in a rough pub on Krypton...

"Hurry up with those lagers Deirdre, General Zod and his two mates are getting in the bouncer's faces again."

"Aww, what's he saying now?"
"He's demanding that they should all "kneel before him"
"Oh bloody 'ell, what is he like?"

Friday night at 'The Jurel Arms'

Granddad

Everyone loves Granddad... just keep him away from Photoshop, that's all!

Fond nightmares

Uncle Vlad, was always good with kids. Especially telling them stories; like "The adventures of Tommy Carrion, the undead lollypop man" or "Peter & Jane find a dead body" - ha ha - great fun!

He is now working for the BBC as a "Songs of Praise" cameraman.

"In the Navy...."

"oooh, I say... ...hello Sailor..."

"Shut it Chang, or I'll have you on guard duty for the rest of the week!!!"

Agro-nostic

I've never met Richard Dawkins, therefore he doesn't exist!

Dog Fancy

"Ok, in the final round... all level here. For 10 points, can you tell me the name of the Oswald Chambers classic, used for personal devotions, since the turn of the last century?"

(BUZZ)

"Yes, that's Tyson first on the buzzer"

Tyson: "Wulpf Wulpf OOOOrh Wuf"

"ahhh, No, I'm sorry Tyson, 'Monster Fun Comic' is not the answer I was looking for. The correct answer was, "My utmost, for His highest"

"Ok, for another 10 points, what is the "ubiquitous cultural paradigm shift" declared by Norman Mailer in the summer of 1976?"

Peace, Love and Mung Beans

"What we need is a great big melting pot 

Big enough to take the world and all it's got 

And keep it stirring for a hundred years or more 

And turn out coffee coloured people by the score"

Could we make it a Decaff please! - Otherwise, you are all going to really get on my nerves.

An apology

An Apology

This blog post was meant to be here, last week.

Popular U.K. tourist destinations

No.4: The Santander ATM, in Trowbridge, Wiltshire.

Photo (c) Tim Cassidy 2010

Meanwhile... in Syria

"owww.... chaaa'mone"

Need a Mortgage?

A name you can trust...

Sonic Tabasco

The Shaggs... if you have never heard them before, you're in for a treat... I think.

This is what happens when a father, ambitious for his three daughters to be the new beatles, buys them instruments and studio time. The funny thing about this real band from the late 60's is that it's not a joke.

It's pure tortured genius!!!

The full album is here.

My favourite tracks are Track 2 "That little sports car" and Track 6 "I'm so happy when you're near'

Your mindset

Consider a field with a scarecrow and a flock of hungry crows sitting on the boundary fence.

The scarecrow in the field can be seen by the crows in two ways, either:

1/ it's a frightening thing, an ominous figure that induces terror.

2/ it's a dead giveaway that there's a load of food there; else why would it need protecting?

It all DEPENDS on how one would interpret the SAME circumstance.

Silicon Fish and Chips

UPDATE 4th July 2013: It was meant to be a joke, but apparently the app is being developed?
See HERE... What the?


The new SMART-Rz 3 smart phone, has just been released by Hermit Tech.
It features a conversational App that let's you ask the phone questions, where upon it replies with sarcasm.

There are four sarcasm settings installed with the "SARCASM" app, ranging from
1. "Passive/Aggressive" mode
2. "Oh you're not going out dressed like that are you?" mode
3. "School bully" mode
4. "Vitriolic Verbal Abuse" mode

I tried the phone on setting three. When I asked it how to get to London, it replied "check out google you knob... I may be a smart-rz phone but I wish the people who bought them weren't so ****ing thick? - it's enough to plug into "skynet" and nuke the lot of yer."
I asked it to then "bring up google" for me, where upon it told me to go away (well, not in those exact words) as it "was reading an amusing article by Alan Bennett?"

You can only imagine what setting four is like. I must admit, hat's off to Hermit Tech, because it IS realistic, as I know a few people like this!

On a lighter note, Hermit Tech, tell us that you can down load the voices of your favourite celebrity, like Jeremy Clarkson, Ozzy Osbourne, Simon Cowell or Yoda.
The rear has a 13 megapixel patented"DUCKFACE" camera, while the user-facing camera captures pictures at 0.2  megapixels. (not so good) The phone weighs 130g, and is 7.9mm thick - making it slightly lighter and thinner than the SMART Rz 2.

As predicted by several industry experts before the event, most of the presentation focused on the phone's software rather than hardware. The creator of the "SARCASM" app, John Hermit said in response "Ohhhh GREAT, that's just terrific, I'm soooooo happy about that!"

As smart technologies move ever closer to real human behaviour, spies at Hermit Tech tell us that a SMART Rz Touch Pad is in development... with the rumoured new "ATTITUDE" app.
The idea is that the software will REFUSE to do what you ask of it. - Hang on... didn't windows XP have that function for years?

The SMART Rz 3 - available today

"What is it to gain the whole world, but loose your soul?"

Mick Jagger has another fresh shart in life.

Borrowed  Time Gentlemen, please!

Bike !

This is either, a very clever piece of Landscape ART, or the adventures of some cyclist coming home from the pub, along a wet concrete path.

Indulgence

The Fiat 'Conclave' was a limited edition car.
Only 115 were ever made and only came in Cardinal red.
They were never that popular. Also the manuals was printed in Latin.
Sales of the rival Vauxhall Tyndale, were more popular with the public at the time; although many people today have never heard of it. Which is a shame, as the vehicle was far more accessible and the manual was printed in a multi-language format.
Fiat, however, invested in a lot of advertising; which gave the impression it was a more powerful product. They are currently voting on a new CEO at the moment.