George cLooney's Favourite Nespresso

 

 

Boss, dee plane, dee plane

Did you know that the 1970's TV show, "Fantasy Island" never actually existed. 

It was all a dream!

The Media of Choice

"Now all express yourselves, by painting the thing we tell you to."

Charles The Evangelist

Dune

Do you feel your life is a bit bland and people consider you boring?
Here's an idea... sprinkle Paprika on your trainers and go round telling people you've just got back from Mars... You'll be the talk of the town!

A Breath of Fresh Air

Here's an idea. Convert the Emergency Oxygen Masks into a permanent thing, throughout the flights. Issue a new connectable mask for each passenger?

Government Policies

The Sum of all Fears

They say that 'Newspeak' is "Double Plus Good".
They say "2+2=5"

Who's "they", I wonder?

Novid 19

Duuuurn dun, duuurn dun, dun dun dun dun dun

Going To A Higher Court

Exodus 18:26
"So they judged the people at all times; the Hard-Cases they brought to Moses, ..."

Avatar

Lol Tolhurst and Robert Smith back in the day.
You’d think with a name like Lol, he’d smile once in a while, at least

Are You Not Entertained?!!!

Today the Government is to announce new measures to focus the British people’s anger away from Dominic Cummings hypocritical flouting of the lockdown rules. Boris Johnson has decreed that each major UK city, is to hold a month of “Gladiatorial Bloodsport games”. He has stated that the British people need a welcome distraction right now and nonstop bloody violence, should give the "mob" what they want.

Wembley stadium is to be converted in to a colosseum this week. “A marvellous piece of British engineering” said Mr Johnson.

Asked if Dominic Cummings had anything to do with the plans, the PM blustered instead, how he "wanted to pay tribute to the NHS" and that "social distancing MUST be observed during all Bloodfest 2020 events". He refused to answer what opponents were due to be conscripted into the arena events. He did hint however, that Prime Ministers' Question Time, is to be suspended and those wishing to interrogate Government policy are free to do so, "Rigorously" during the games.

So thumbs up or thumbs down for this one?

Experts Somewhere

Coronavirus News:
To help in the fight against coronavirus, a UK Think-Tank has proposed today, to move 'R' further along the alphabet.

Everything is gong to be alright Britain... everything is going to be alright.

Alphabet Soup

UnSocial Distancing

It's Childish... I know.

Hollyrude

Scottish first minister, Nichola Sturgeon, is due to hold a major press-conference today. This comes just before the UK governments' official one later. The pattern has been to present the UK Parliament's proposals in advance, to give the impression that they follow her lead; boosting her profile as an important player in these troubled times.

Today she intends to let the whole UK know what is about to happen
in Emmerdale, Eastenders and Coronation Street!!

What is wrong with this world?

The Masks We Wear

What you think you look like, in a face-mask

What you really look like

Harmony

Stuck in doors with family members?... why not encourage your kids to learn how to play the Recorder... that should be good for everyone's morale and mental state.

100 Years

A future scene from the Antiques Roadshow, where in the year 2120, a lady has brought in Boris Johnsons' 2020 Coronavirus letter sent to UK households, to ask what it was worth.

The best news she was given, was her grandfather survived, so as to pass it on.

Tent Peg

When you're in corona lockdown with members of your family...

Good Sense

Apparently, one of the symptoms of the coronavirus is your "sense of taste" goes...

Derek Nimmo Found Alive!!!

Derek Nimmo found alive!!!
Thought to have died in 1999, sitcom actor, famous for playing comedy vicars, has been found in Whitehaven, alive and well. Currently employed by Waitrose to round up stray shopping trollies in the car park, the discovery has been hailed as a shining example of non discrimination regarding working age. Asked if he would ever consider working in a sitcom again, he exclaimed loudly “oh crikey” just as his trousers fell down.

April 1st 2020

You're 'IT'

PM Boris Johnson has sent a letter to every household in Britain, warning the coronavirus will get worse, before it gets better.
So Boris sending everyone a letter, whilst having the virus himself? ...i'm not ****** touching it with a barge pole!!!

(I know... he doesn't send each one personally... just being silly)

Self Isolating

When the Government declares you must stay in your house,
but you insist on going out-out

Royal Doulton

They got the idea after watching Prince Andrew's recent tv interview, about his friendship with Jeffery Epstein.

"Laughter is the best medicine"

"Laughter is the best medicine"...
unless you've got tonsillitis, in which case, it's penicillin.

Beamer

When BMW took ownership of the very British classic, the Mini Cooper, they said they wouldn’t change the design... how come this one, looks like Adolf Hitler then?

How Dare You!!!

In honour of Greta's pushy mum, who has a new book out, McDonalds have created a new vegan alternative to their usual range.

American Politics

Clinton Eastwood: "I don't think it's nice... you laughing" 

(p.s. this is a dig at the democrats, by the way)

Turkey and the Kurds Repost from 2015

Posted this over four and a half years ago...
prophetic words get there (Sometimes sadly) in the end...

http://notfunnydave.blogspot.com/2015/08/gomer-wakes.html

Bipolar Vortex

Newton's Cradle

As NASA continue in their search for intelligent life, they should really try pointing their radio telescopes towards earth. You never know.

2Funny 2Soon?

Science Fiction

"Godzilla may rampage through London and eat you all, 
if we don't accept Teresa May's Brexit plan", scientists warned today.

Playtime's Over

Upset for little girl in Bristol, as three year old brother insists she must now accept him "identifying" as Burt Reynolds.

5 Nights At Freddies

Bet this fact, isn't in the new movie...

Dat-Hat

Robot Wars

Chequers Plays Pop

B.D.I.

It's said “you can’t choose your family”

"Trans-fluid"

“In regard to these, they think it strange that you do not run with them in the same flood of dissipation, speaking evil of you”

1 Peter 4:4

DeceptaCon

Just to confirm, "Amazon Prime" is not one of the Transformers...

Mayday, Mayday, Mayday...

Not since Boris Yeltsin... 

Ever Been Had?

"Brexit means Brexit" *

P.M. Teresa May 

*EU Terms & Conditions Apply

Mr Rough n Tumble

Kids TV is not what it used to be...

Hung Parliament

A contingency of Scottish MPs are set to visit No 10 Downing Street tomorrow, to protest the recent blocking of the bill, that would make the vile practise of "Upskirting", a crime.

"Something needs to be done, 

as this particular issue is rife in the highlands." 

said Donald McDangle MP, today.

Agenda Benders

Shock Horror... on the soap 'Emmerdale' tonight, there featured a straight-married couple kissing... what are the writers trying to do to the series... promote normality?

(sarcasm, for anyone who didn't catch on)

Vomit

At this years Grammys & Emmys...

The UnTrueman Show

Ever get the feeling, those "negotiating" Brexit are stalling on purpose?
Maybe it will go away? Maybe people will change their minds?
Then they can say... "Well we tried our best"

No you didn't.

Truman trying to leave the EU during Brexit negotiations.

Bayeux Tapestry To Be Displayed In Britain

French President Mr Macron, has offered the Bayeux Tapestry to be displayed in Britain, for the first time in 950 years. Random gesture, or is he having a cultural dig?
LINK HERE

"We will in France, by God's Grace, play a set." - Shakespeare's Henry V on receiving Tennis Balls from the Dauphin, as a subtle insult.

hmmm, maybe we should send France some arrows from the battle of Agincourt? - as a sudden historical goodwill gesture, during brexit talks.

Winning (Broken) Hearts & Minds

"Today, Duncan accidentally went and fired a uranium-tipped missile at the wrong village"

"Oh dear me, we're in a bit of a pickle now, aren't we Duncan?" said the fat remote controller, nervously.

Ding Dong

Reassuring to know, "there's a button" on Mr Trumps' desk.

No one had the heart to tell him it was actually for calling the residents' warden... you know, if he gets stuck in the bath, or something.

Don't Be Obtuse

Heard a choir of Heavenly Angles today.
They sang about turning your life around 180º

Love Hurts

"Being a Christian isn't for sissies. It takes a real man to live for God - a lot more man than to live for the devil." - Johnny Cash.

Gert Lush

Big fan of this band. Brief return... then back to their lives. Worth the wait.

Lush 2016

Take This Church To Cuba

When you open the microphone, at a church meeting...

Les

Saw Les Miserables at the cinema today.

I said "Oi, Les, cheer up!!!!" Did he smile?... did he ****

Homophobia By Definition

Stonewall says "the floor is lava!!!"

...and we all jump onto a chair

Wok n Roll

Chinese "Human League Tribute Act" perform a "flashmob" performance of 'don't you want me baby' at half-time, during a Bristol Rovers match.

Stark Reminder

The government of Westoros, based in Kings Landing, have made a statement today that "there is no North/South Divide in our nation."

Minority Report

In the news... another minority group, "lobbies" the majority again.

I don't know... ...It's mad, gone political correctness.

"Must Be Your Fault"

"Well you obviously didn't follow the instructions!"

The Genesis of Grenfell

Adam Curtis has made some of the most thought provoking docs for decades... here's one that foresaw a Grenfell-like incident back in 1984. (Especially 2.57 minutes in)

Logan's Run

Medical/Legal "experts" and rights-lobbyists, are so pro-active in fighting for the "right" to abortion, or turning a blind eye to terminally ill people visiting a euthanasia clinic in Switzerland to be put to death. They seem equally militant in physically stopping the parents of little Charlie Gard, taking him to America. Even if there may be little hope of a cure, should a law court hold sway over a baby's life, more than the parents trying to do all they can?

I know it's a difficult case but it is what's called a precedent. This precedent will flower in about 10 years time, into state-sanctioned 'life ending' on the whim of an "expert".

A Slippery slope! the opponents will say 'no it's not and that won't happen'. That's what they initially said about abortion of course - and yet now, the British Medical Council are voting to allow abortion right up until BIRTH for ANY reason. State killing, all round then. It seems the UK Government will soon need to open a new office... "The Ministry of Death"

Come back soon Lord Jesus... please

Saturday Swine Fever

Currently watching Barry Gibb on TV singing at Glastonbury Festival.

Amazing song writer; apart from the songs penned for the Bee Gees, he also wrote songs for Dionne Warwick, Dianna Ross, Kenny Rodgers/Dolly Parton...

... and not forgetting "I wish I could fly", written for Keith Harris & Orville.