Salad is Murder

Invited by vegetarians for dinner?
As you’d no doubt be made aware of their special dietary requirements, tell them about yours
– ask for a nice steak.

Meanwhile... in Japan

Thank you Japan

Second Hand Vehicle

Some people's theology...

Snowflakey

You are totally unique... just like everyone else... erm?

In the last days, there will be scoffers...

Ram-raiding

"Steel Wool II: The Return of Flossie"

Camo

Camouflage only works in the right context

I had a camouflage jacket once... but I can't find it

Words

Is there another word for Thesaurus???

When the Party's Over

For years I was worried that we would all get to the end of our lives and find out the the "hokey cokey" was "what is was all about"

Relax... it's not ...by the way.

General Custer

Not many people know this, but I had an ancestor who died at the battle of Little Big-horn.
He wasn't a soldier or indian... he was camping in the next field and went round to ask if they could keep the noise down!

Not what was specified...

Looks great, but not structurally sound. What was asked for?

"to obey is better than sacrifice"1 Samuel 15:22

Border-line Humour

Here's a little joke for the UK readers...

Q: Why are Scottish Highlanders banned from Butlins?
A: Because they keep fighting with the Red Coats!

Discernment

"How Soon is Meow" - Awful pun (c) Daily Mirror

Morrissey is quoted today, by The Manchester Evening News, that he is "still not happy with it".
When questioned what the "it" was, that he was not happy about, he replied "well, all of it".

 Internet Meme "Grumpy Cat" is said to be a fan. 

Morrissey is not impressed.

If there is any change to the situation, you can be sure, we will let you know.
(Always liked Morrissey, by the way) 

Scarlet and Purple

A Cult is a Cult... No matter how big it gets

"This would be, an ecumenical matter..."

Charlie Sheen Investigates...

This week on Charlie Sheen Investigates: "Did the U.S.A. really land on the moon?"

Charlie says: "Did we visit the moon? [bleep] yeah, we sure (hic) did (hic) did... how do I know? (hic) Well I was just there, myself, last week (hic)

Next week on Charlie Sheen Investigates: Is the penchant for self-destruction by celebrities, an "inside job"?

Troll Face's true I.D. revealed by Wikileaks

Wikileaks, have managed to obtain and release, what they claim to be, a photo of the true identity of Troll-face, the Mastermind Boss of internet forum time-wasting.

"Pudums", from Wisconsin, is said to have been the evil-genius behind countless forum "thread kills".

Troll-face / Pudums - could it be?

He is currently in hiding at the Cuban embassy. He is refusing to step outside, claiming he would be arrested immediately. Interestingly, internet trolling has dropped sharply since his self imposed exile.

Is he Troll-face? Is he ironically "trolling" - pretending to be Toll-face? Is he an innocent dog?

All this and more, will be revealed when Wikileaks can be bothered to check if their source is for real.

What's that all about? A?

I watched a "How to get fit" DVD, 30 times...but it's rubbish... I'm still no fitter?!

Suspended Animation

DISNEY: traumatising kids since the 1930's

I'm still trying to get over, Bambi's mother getting shot.

Priceless

Why? ... because you're worth it!

Isaac Asimov's 3 laws of Robotics

• A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
• A robot must obey the orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
• A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws.

…oh sod it, launch the autonomous Hunter/Killer Drone!

Naive Supervillans

"So... my plans to take over the world with a gas meter, are not realistic... but I will return!!!
 Right, were's the toilet?" 

Matthew 16:18

"…I will build My church, and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against it"

Woof

"Weeeeeeee"
"Oh for fff.........."

Guerrilla Art

The forerunner of 'Banksy'

Eagle Practical Jokes

Yeah, ha ha Steve... nice one!

Urbananas

Meanwhile, back at St.Phillip's Church Prayer Meeting, Glastonbury.

A Big Pudding

Are you in a Dessert Place at the moment?

Wise In Their Own Eyes

A Nihilist Mountaineer was once asked why he felt to climb the north-face of the Eiger mountain.
He replied "why? because it's not there"

We'll have more philosophical b*****ks tomorrow. In the meantime Nietzsche is still dead.

I think, therefore... sorry what was the question again?

Blame

Regarding fickle neighbours, it's better accept the offer of the "free" watermelon; lest rejection issues kick-in and they feel the need to be "honest" toward you!

Pride

Douglas Petticoat and his brother Humphrey have not talked for 20 years.

Their feud started when Douglas once said to Humphrey, "What are you doing over there? Come here"

Humphrey then reacted, saying "No, you're "there", it"s me who's "here"

Douglas got offended at this, and shouted "NO, You're THERE! I'm the one that's HERE!"

and so it went on...

If only they both could see things from the other's perspective; they then would realise the whole argument really was "neither here, nor there".

This complete waste of your time, was brought to you, courtesy of inane confrontational style talk shows. The subject on next weeks program:"Watching your talk show, wasted my life"

To see similar dilemmas resolved simply and more quickly, watch any old episode of Sesame Street. 

The Bat-budget

The recession has hit Gotham. Even millionaire Bruce Wayne, has had to trade down the equipment of his alter ego Batman. Here we see the new Bat-SMART mobile.

Getting Ahead of the Hipsters

Men in Belted sweaters... 

To any Hipsters out there... if you think you're starting to consider wearing 'belted sweaters" before they become cool, be aware, these guys above, liked them before you. 

High Maintenance

Well, your haughtiness and presumption have consequences... and now you have the cheek to ask for help?

Antisocial Joke

Knock, knock.

.........

Knock, knock!

.........

KNOCK, KNOCK !!!


......... (whisper) "have they gone yet?"

Out There

Meanwhile... at St.Phillip's Church Prayer Meeting, Glastonbury.

Who's the Prisoner?

Upholding your complaint is the thing that is wearing you out.
Forgive them and then you both will be free!!!

Eye to Eye

Outnumbered? Facing giants alone? People around you, doubting you can overcome?
Turn up and meet the enemy head-on anyway!!!

Adventures in Heaven

Blade Runner

erm... When I go swimming, I don't short circuit? ...Next question please.

LARDY DA

Lard Lite... that'll help me loose weight!

The Writing Is On The Wall

Many graffiti artists, are prophets

Remember Wilson

Look, I've already said... Wilson forgives you...
Now, please, move on with your life!!!

AutoHols

In the future, you won't have to go on holiday abroad... Holiday Robots will go for you.

Holiday Robots - "Sunshine Indoors"

Deep Space

Deep Space - (c) David Robinson

Adrift, out here - in cold wilderness,

you found me - spat out into blackness.

Lost… gasping - in this spiral sea,

you saved me (from drowning in nowhere) ...forever

Doom's black hole 

syphoned my soul

but as your light, upon it's grip, bled 

so from the vacuum of death, I was led

We are… 

We are Not Alone!

All

‘Truth is "hate" to those who hate the truth'

iSight

"With vague power, comes vague responsibility"
- quote by some bloke, or other.

Temporary Post

This is a temporary post... Apologies for any inconvenience caused. Normal service should resume, as soon as the writer thinks of something mildly amusing. In the meantime, here's a few thoughts
"...... .. ...... ...... ..... .. ..... .... ................... ..... ..... ...... .... . . ........ ..... . .... ..... ........ !"

Living the Dream

Living the dream...

...you know, the type where you wake up screaming.

James Bond on holiday

www.gestapo

Meet the future secret police...

Cheesy Listening

Here's the man, well before Austin Powers, showing the Gallaghers, how it's done.

"The Mike Flowers Pops"

Ironically, ahead of their time

Mr. T as a Baby

"Hey, I ain't gittin in no pram, yo crayza chump!!!"

G.M. Candy Floss