"…I will build My church, and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against it"
Friday, 24 May 2013
Thursday, 23 May 2013
Wednesday, 22 May 2013
Wise In Their Own Eyes
A Nihilist Mountaineer was once asked why he felt to climb the north-face of the Eiger mountain.
He replied "why? because it's not there"
We'll have more philosophical b*****ks tomorrow. In the meantime Nietzsche is still dead.
He replied "why? because it's not there"
We'll have more philosophical b*****ks tomorrow. In the meantime Nietzsche is still dead.
I think, therefore... sorry what was the question again?
Blame
Regarding fickle neighbours, it's better accept the offer of the "free" watermelon; lest rejection issues kick-in and they feel the need to be "honest" toward you!
Pride
Douglas Petticoat and his brother Humphrey have not talked for 20 years.
Their feud started when Douglas once said to Humphrey, "What are you doing over there? Come here"
Humphrey then reacted, saying "No, you're "there", it"s me who's "here"
Douglas got offended at this, and shouted "NO, You're THERE! I'm the one that's HERE!"
and so it went on...
If only they both could see things from the other's perspective; they then would realise the whole argument really was "neither here, nor there".
This complete waste of your time, was brought to you, courtesy of inane confrontational style talk shows. The subject on next weeks program:"Watching your talk show, wasted my life"
To see similar dilemmas resolved simply and more quickly, watch any old episode of Sesame Street.
Their feud started when Douglas once said to Humphrey, "What are you doing over there? Come here"
Humphrey then reacted, saying "No, you're "there", it"s me who's "here"
Douglas got offended at this, and shouted "NO, You're THERE! I'm the one that's HERE!"
and so it went on...
If only they both could see things from the other's perspective; they then would realise the whole argument really was "neither here, nor there".
This complete waste of your time, was brought to you, courtesy of inane confrontational style talk shows. The subject on next weeks program:"Watching your talk show, wasted my life"
To see similar dilemmas resolved simply and more quickly, watch any old episode of Sesame Street.
The Bat-budget
The recession has hit Gotham. Even millionaire Bruce Wayne, has had to trade down the equipment of his alter ego Batman. Here we see the new Bat-SMART mobile.
Tuesday, 21 May 2013
Getting Ahead of the Hipsters
Men in Belted sweaters...
To any Hipsters out there... if you think you're starting to consider wearing 'belted sweaters" before they become cool, be aware, these guys above, liked them before you.
High Maintenance
Monday, 20 May 2013
Antisocial Joke
Knock, knock.
.........
Knock, knock!
.........
KNOCK, KNOCK !!!
......... (whisper) "have they gone yet?"
Who's the Prisoner?
Upholding your complaint is the thing that is wearing you out.
Forgive them and then you both will be free!!!
Sunday, 19 May 2013
Eye to Eye
Outnumbered? Facing giants alone? People around you, doubting you can overcome?
Turn up and meet the enemy head-on anyway!!!
Saturday, 18 May 2013
Remember Wilson
Look, I've already said... Wilson forgives you...
Now, please, move on with your life!!!
Now, please, move on with your life!!!
AutoHols
In the future, you won't have to go on holiday abroad... Holiday Robots will go for you.
Holiday Robots - "Sunshine Indoors"
Holiday Robots - "Sunshine Indoors"
Friday, 17 May 2013
Deep Space
Deep Space - (c) David Robinson
Adrift, out here - in cold wilderness,
you found me - spat out into blackness.
Lost… gasping - in this spiral sea,
you saved me (from drowning in nowhere) ...forever
Doom's black hole
syphoned my soul
but as your light, upon it's grip, bled
so from the vacuum of death, I was led
We are…
We are Not Alone!
Thursday, 16 May 2013
Temporary Post
This is a temporary post... Apologies for any inconvenience caused. Normal service should resume, as soon as the writer thinks of something mildly amusing. In the meantime, here's a few thoughts
"...... .. ...... ...... ..... .. ..... .... ................... ..... ..... ...... .... . . ........ ..... . .... ..... ........ !"
"...... .. ...... ...... ..... .. ..... .... ................... ..... ..... ...... .... . . ........ ..... . .... ..... ........ !"
Wednesday, 15 May 2013
Cheesy Listening
Here's the man, well before Austin Powers, showing the Gallaghers, how it's done.
"The Mike Flowers Pops"
Ironically, ahead of their time
Tuesday, 14 May 2013
'Clownism' on the rise in the UK - (UPDATED)
UK Police crack down on clowns: Further to recent Government recommendations, police are now free to arrest anyone dressed as a clown, without a good reason. Special background checks are now being made. Also an "on the spot" test to see if alleged clowns are genuinely funny instead of petrifying young kids, is now in force.
Police are stopping any cars that look suspiciously like their doors or wheels are about to fall off.
Clowns are also banned from Homebase DIY stores. A spokesperson said "In our experience, Clowns and timber planks are a health and safety hazard."
Mr Jollyplops, a clown of over 30 years, said yesterday "This is blatant 'Clownism'. I'm constantly asked for I.D. when buying custard pies from Greggs the Bakers."
We wait to see, if these policies, improve variety acts in the U.K. There is talk in parliament now, of extending the measures to the people who paint themselves silver or gold and stand in high-streets as "living statues".
We will keep you updated...
UPDATE:
Since speaking out yesterday, Mr Jollyplops is now in hospital. Witnesses say, he was sent a large beautifully wrapped box, tied with a ribbon bow. After saying in a loud voice "Oh, I wonder what this could be?" he opened the lid of the box, thereupon being hit in the face with a large, spring-loaded, boxing glove. They also say that, at the time, a loud "boinggggg" sound was heard.
The assault was blamed on rival French Clowns, who's motto is "If laughter is the best medicine, try some of your own"
Police have asked any witnesses, to contact Detective Karl Lager. Detective Lager has a lot of experience in these matters, as he once founded and ran the "Karl Lager Ringpull Circus" in Belarus.
Police are stopping any cars that look suspiciously like their doors or wheels are about to fall off.
Clowns are also banned from Homebase DIY stores. A spokesperson said "In our experience, Clowns and timber planks are a health and safety hazard."
Mr Jollyplops, a clown of over 30 years, said yesterday "This is blatant 'Clownism'. I'm constantly asked for I.D. when buying custard pies from Greggs the Bakers."
We wait to see, if these policies, improve variety acts in the U.K. There is talk in parliament now, of extending the measures to the people who paint themselves silver or gold and stand in high-streets as "living statues".
We will keep you updated...
UPDATE:
Since speaking out yesterday, Mr Jollyplops is now in hospital. Witnesses say, he was sent a large beautifully wrapped box, tied with a ribbon bow. After saying in a loud voice "Oh, I wonder what this could be?" he opened the lid of the box, thereupon being hit in the face with a large, spring-loaded, boxing glove. They also say that, at the time, a loud "boinggggg" sound was heard.
The assault was blamed on rival French Clowns, who's motto is "If laughter is the best medicine, try some of your own"
Police have asked any witnesses, to contact Detective Karl Lager. Detective Lager has a lot of experience in these matters, as he once founded and ran the "Karl Lager Ringpull Circus" in Belarus.
Plastic Knowledge
Scientists tend to boast their conclusions about our destination,
yet it is based on the blur of passing scenery.
yet it is based on the blur of passing scenery.
Open Airways
British Airways are to ban eye shadow and mascara for male workers, BBC News reported today.
Steve Puncture (pictured below) lost his appeal in the high court last week. He is known to have fallen out with his bosses over the issue last July.
Captain Julio Biggles, a spokesman for B.A. said today, "Mr Puncture appears to have developed a growing 'persecution complex', that started when he first joined the company, at Passport Control. He refused to smile at any customers and blamed them, when he kept setting off the metal detectors."
Steve Puncture (pictured below) lost his appeal in the high court last week. He is known to have fallen out with his bosses over the issue last July.
Captain Julio Biggles, a spokesman for B.A. said today, "Mr Puncture appears to have developed a growing 'persecution complex', that started when he first joined the company, at Passport Control. He refused to smile at any customers and blamed them, when he kept setting off the metal detectors."
Where's the Lion?
On tour...
All you Metallica fans are saying...
"ok.... put em up!!! put em uuuurrrrrrppp!"
Monday, 13 May 2013
Rotten Tomato
Miss Betty Douffery is visiting a lawyer in New York, after her plastic surgery to look more like Lady Gaga "went awry". ...I dunno though!
Sunday, 12 May 2013
Going to the Gig
Steve (Doom-baron) Jenkins and his Dad, Gerald, on their way to the O2 Arena to see 'One Direction'.
Doom-baron, likes Harry the best! He's hoping Harry will sign his chain-mail.
Meanwhile, his dad wants to learn the latest dance routines. Rumour has it, that he is wearing a homemade Wonder Woman costume, under that green jacket. Steve Doom-baron, has always insisted that his dad wears the coat over it, when in public. This is because he felt his appearance would be "embarrassing" to say the least. - yeah, you tell him Steve Doom-baron.
That Big Red Button!
Oh, yeah, Mike, that big red button, DON'T press... oh right... you've gone and pressed it!
Lager than Life?
Many things can be preserved by alcohol;
Life, however, is not on of them!
Life, however, is not on of them!
Having A "Blonde" Moment?
Saturday, 11 May 2013
Dr. Who?
Dr. Who's real name? ...It's Bernie Tickle, of course. Everyone on Gallifrey knows that!
Bernie Tickle - Gallifreyan Postal Worker, now a self-styled "Time Lord".
Friday, 10 May 2013
Mosh
The story of one man's tragic mission to Disco Dance at a Thrash Metal gig... now available on Amazon.
Thursday, 9 May 2013
Wednesday, 8 May 2013
Tuesday, 7 May 2013
Defending
Bernard Silverback and his red shorts. Defending bark-mulch islanders against Council lawnmowers, everywhere. Thank you Bernard Silverback.
Place Names
A picture of "Mount Warning" in Australia.
It is located near, "Mount Look, I won't tell you again!"
It is located near, "Mount Look, I won't tell you again!"
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